Your Birth Order Is Affecting Your Romantic Relationships, Here’s How
Do you have any siblings? Are they older, younger? Were you made to interact with them a certain way due to the order you were born in, the oldest perhaps being shafted with the most responsibility, or the middle feeling crowded out? Those feelings you had as a kid, are they still with you? Do you think they still impact you today?
Whether or not you can recognize it actively, there are certainly subconscious ways those roles reappear in your life, especially your relationships.
Some siblings, some people in general, leave their family household with a feeling of insecurity they simply cannot shake caused by their upbringing. It's disheartening, even debilitating at times, being too nervous to live your life the way you want.
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From Childhood Onward
Anyone who grew up with siblings knows how much their sibling role affects their upbringing. Being the oldest sibling versus the youngest, middle, or perhaps an only child, that role in your family impacts you in many, many ways.
The way it impacts you sticks with you. It doesn't remain in your childhood, it forms traits and beliefs that you bring into your adult life, and as such, can greatly affect your relationships. Two oldest siblings of different families will have a very, very different relationship than two youngest siblings.
In examining the traits of every birth order placement followed by their potential pairs, we can better examine our own relationships, where they thrive, and where they might struggle.
Oldest Children
Oldest children tend to be seen as the most controlling of the family. They get used to having authority over their younger siblings, though that also means they shoulder a lot of responsibility in comparison.
Some oldest children are bold, more aggressive in their approach to things, and always want a challenge or competition. Others are more docile, loyal to a fault, and always want to lend a helping hand, though they also tend to be more anxious. No matter which way they lean, they're looked to with lofty expectations for their future and expected to be the ruler among their siblings.
Middle Children
Middle children are most often seen as the rebellious, trouble-making type, even if that troublemaking just means they're more likely to isolate in their rooms. They aren't actually bad people, they just get lost in the shadows of both their younger and older siblings. They struggle to find a place and struggle even more to earn respect or attention.
So they act out. They do have some truly commendable qualities, though. They're extremely open to new experiences, they're good with people, they love to create fun memories, and they are very supportive of those they care about.
Youngest Children
Most people consider the youngest children to be the most spoiled among the siblings. They not only had all the attention of their parents in their youth, but they also had the attention of their older siblings, meaning they were in the spotlight from day one.
They tend to be either very outgoing or very shy, but either way, they're considered sort of high-maintenance. They're creative and love to spend time with those they love, but they can be a lot sometimes, too. They're also always the ones bringing new ideas to the table.
Only Children
Only children and youngest children can be very similar, with only children also being thought of as spoiled. The big difference is that only children are more likely to be more reserved than youngest children, as they don't have that same constant need for social interaction within the home. They had their parents, sure, but that's not the same as being raised with siblings.
They can be a bit dependent at times, a tough trait to break, but they're also very open to change. They're hopeful, they see a lot of beauty in the world, and they love to express their true selves as much as possible.
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Oldest Children Relationships
Now, let's examine what each relationship looks like for every birth order matchup.
Oldest-Oldest: Two oldest together will butt heads a lot, both very determined, yet also very stubborn. This relationship will get a lot done and accomplish a lot in their life together.
Oldest-Middle: Compromise will be easier with this relationship, but be wary of the oldest stomping all over the middle without realizing it. They have great potential for strong, communicative, and healthy love otherwise.
Oldest-Youngest: These two work out very well together, actually. The youngest can let the oldest be as domineering or particular as they please, as that means they'll be taken care of, their partner happily being their rock.
Oldest-Only: Similar to Oldest-Youngest, but different in that the only child will be a lot more demanding of the oldest's attention. They'll crave a lot of time together and be more sensitive to any bumps in the road.
Middle Children Relationships
Middle-Middle: Middle children tend to prefer sneaking under the radar and not rocking the boat, which can cause problems when two are together, as neither will want to address any issues. Barring that, they're both sensitive to each other's needs, both acting as very compassionate partners, wanting to help the other as much as they can.
Middle-Youngest: This pair almost always feels like an 'introvert/extrovert' type, with the youngest often being the more outgoing of the two while the middle is just happy to be there. The youngest won't have any issue bringing up concerns, at least, and the middle will be very effective at working through them healthily.
Middle-Only: In this case, the middle might start to feel a little tired as the only child will shirk a lot of the responsibility onto them. If that builds up long enough, it could end explosively. However, this will make for a very fun couple, with both halves being on the same wavelength regarding how they enjoy each other's company.
Youngest Child Relationships
Youngest-Youngest: Two youngest together tend not to be a very good match, unfortunately. Both sides lack the ability to take charge, neither is exceptionally good at planning, and neither wants that responsibility, either. Rather than talking through any issues, they're both more prone to escapism. Two youngest will require a lot of communication to work, but once it's all set, then they can start to see progress.
Youngest-Only: Though you would think this similar to youngest-youngest, the only child here is actually able to take on the mantle of responsibility rather well. They tend to be a bit shy for the youngest's liking, but the youngest will help them break out of their shell, so long as the only child helps provide some structure in the youngest's life.
Only Child Relationships
Only-Only: The only relationship left to discuss is an only child with an only child. This relationship is very hit or miss, but that's because only children tend to have the biggest variances in their personalities. An only child who loves the spotlight can mix very well with an only child who prefers the sidelines, opposites attract and all that, but two of the same together can cause issues, for even if they don't know it, only children are rather rigid and set in their ways.
This one requires a lot more feeling out but can also be a lot more flexible. Given the right amount and type of communication, any only-only match-up has the potential to be a healthy, thriving relationship.
Not Certain, But Likely
Now, of course, there's the disclaimer that these classifications aren't set in stone. Not every sibling of the same order is the same across families. There's a lot more that goes into shaping us than what sort of siblings we have (or don't have).
Themes are themes for a reason, though, and there's no denying that you've seen some of these dynamics within yourself, your family, or your friends. These are just things to keep in mind and warnings to be considered when analyzing your relationship potential with another person. Every little detail helps.
