You Might Be The Red Flag In Your Relationship, Here’s How To Know
When it comes to relationships, it's always important to remember that nobody is perfect. Even if you think your partner is the most perfect person to ever exist, they'll still have flaws, and that's okay! It's a natural part of being human.
This also means you have to recognize the faults within yourself. You may already know some, but are these ones your brain made up, or are they your actual flaws, the things truly holding you back in life?
Awareness is something you can have about yourself, but it's something you should have about the entire world around you. Only then can you spot the mysterious messages that surround us.
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Our Own Problems
Relationships are complex, and it's easy to point fingers when things go wrong. Sometimes, that means pointing the finger at ourselves, though true growth comes from looking inward, examining our own behaviors, and addressing our own toxic patterns that may be sabotaging our relationships.
It's true that sometimes we are the red flag in our own relationships, something that can be both difficult to discern and hard to accept once we see it. Still, seeing it is the first step, so here are some signs that you might actually be the problem.
1. Needing Too Much Validation
Constantly seeking validation from your partner can be a major red flag in a relationship. There's nothing wrong with wanting attention, affection, or other affirmations from your partner, but when it's a recurring constant, or you can't go too long without it, that's when it becomes a problem.
When you rely on your partner to constantly affirm your worth and provide emotional support, it can become emotionally exhausting for them, creating an unhealthy dynamic where they can't expect validation from you because you're too busy needing it from them. This neediness can manifest in constant texting or calling, becoming jealous, or requiring constant reassurance about your partner's feelings.
Becoming A Crutch
This behavior is often born out of insecurity or past traumas, but no matter the origin, it can still be detrimental to your relationship. Excessive neediness can make your partner feel suffocated or overwhelmed, slowly pushing them away.
This lack of confidence is really only something you can solve in yourself. It's not up to your partner to rid you of these insecurities. It may not be easy, but it can be done. There are plenty of things you can do at home to help boost your confidence, but healing past wounds can really only be done with the help of a professional, depending on the severity of your self-doubt.
2. Poor Emotional Regulation
Difficulty regulating emotions, especially in a way that causes frequent outbursts, can be a significant red flag in a relationship. If you find yourself easily angered, extremely prone to violent mood swings, or unable to control your emotional reactions, you may be creating a toxic environment for your partner.
These reactions can stem from various sources, such as unresolved trauma, an increase in stress, or other mental health issues. Regardless of the cause, frequent emotional outbursts can leave your partner feeling like they're walking on eggshells, never knowing when your next explosion might occur.
Calming Things Down
Recognizing this pattern is the first step toward improvement. If you struggle with emotional regulation, it's essential to develop healthier coping mechanisms and learn to communicate your feelings more effectively.
This may involve practicing mindfulness techniques, learning anger management strategies, or, like the previous entry, seeing a professional. By taking responsibility for your feelings and working to improve your emotional intelligence, you can create a safer, more supportive environment for your relationship to thrive.
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3. Only Thinking About Your Desires
Consistently prioritizing your own needs over your partner's is a clear sign that you may be the red flag in the relationship. It may not be obvious that you do this at first, but it can show up in many ways, such as always choosing activities that only you enjoy, disregarding your partner's preferences in favor of your own, or failing to consider their feelings when making decisions.
When one partner consistently prioritizes their own needs, this can quickly lead to feelings of resentment, frustration, and neglect in the relationship.
Two Halves Of One Whole
Healthy relationships require a balance of give and take, where both partners' needs are considered and valued. A relationship is about more than just making you happy; it's meant to be equal for both parties.
To shake this particular habit, start by actively listening to your partner's concerns and desires, then make a conscious effort to incorporate their feelings into your decision-making process. Practice putting yourself in their shoes more often and considering how your actions might affect them.
The First Step
Recognizing that you might be the red flag in your relationship can be a difficult pill to swallow, but ignoring it will only serve to make your relationship worse. By acknowledging these behaviors and taking responsibility for your actions, you open the door to positive change and the possibility of a healthier, more fulfilling future with your partner.
Remember that change takes time and effort. Be patient with yourself as you work to ease these issues, and don't hesitate to seek professional help if needed. As mentioned, it won't be easy, and it'll take a fair bit of work, but if you're dedicated enough and want it bad enough, you'll get to watch your relationship become so much stronger as you yourself also grow along with it.
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