This time of year, that stretch between Thanksgiving and the New Year, brings a lot of stress. For many, that stress is due to being busy, trying to juggle all the preparations that need to be done ahead of the holidays. For others, it's the mere concept, the threat of holiday times that get them strung out.
Following the traditional holiday format leaves a lot of people more strung out than they need to be, so why don't more of us change those traditions? What if we started carving out a holiday celebration that works for us?
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The holiday season often comes wrapped in a glossy package of high expectations. There's the pressure to feel joyful, to reconnect with family, to uphold traditions that we've practiced year after year, but for many, this time of year only stirs up feelings of loneliness, stress, and dissociation.
If any this sounds familiar, you're not alone. Plenty of people every year feel out of sorts around the holidays for a great number of reasons. Things don't have to stay that way, though. The holidays don't have to remain something you force yourself through. It's entirely possible to create a holiday season that feels meaningful to you, even if it doesn't match the picture-perfect version often portrayed.
The first step to reclaiming the holidays for yourself is acknowledging that there's no single way to celebrate. You don't need to decorate your home, cook big meals, or see your family if those things bring you more stress than joy. It's okay to let go of traditions that don't fit your life, peace, or values anymore.
The holidays don't have to look a certain way to matter. There's a distinct image or vibe we're all expected to follow, but we have total freedom to make the holidays whatever we want them to be, even if that means forgoing them entirely.
Ask yourself, during this time of year, what would make you happiest? Not what you think should make you happy, but what genuinely lights you up? Maybe it's watching a favorite movie, baking something just for the fun of it, or spending time with friends. If there's something besides the usual celebrations that would make you happier, why not do those instead?
Consider creating new traditions for your holidays, no matter how simple. Whether it's taking a quiet evening to reflect on the year or planning a meal that's entirely your favorite foods, the holidays can (and should) be an opportunity to honor what matters most to you.
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Of course, just making new holiday traditions doesn't immediately rid oneself of somber feelings around the holidays. For those dealing with family struggles of any flavor, this time of year can be particularly challenging.
Remember that setting boundaries, especially regarding family get-togethers, is never selfish. You're allowed to say no to gatherings that'll only hurt your mental health, and you don't need to spend time with any family members who disrespect you. Them being family doesn't matter if you only ever walk away hurt.
If you do decide to attend, consider how you can protect your energy. This might mean stepping outside for a breather, redirecting conversations when things get tense, or fully shutting down a discussion that's getting too heated.
Though, sometimes, letting go of the need to resolve every conflict can be freeing, too. You don't have to agree with everyone or fix every argument that crops up. Focusing on what you can control—your reactions, your choices—can help you feel more grounded even in the face of stress.
Remember that 'meaning' doesn't have to come from other people, nor from any collective celebration, it can be something you create for yourself. Ask yourself what the holidays mean to you at this point in your life. Maybe it's a time for rest, reflection, or reconnecting with your spirit. Maybe it's about finding small ways to show kindness, to others and yourself.
Sometimes, stepping away from old ideas of the holiday season can help you rediscover them in a new light. For example, if you've felt distant from the spirit of giving via present exchange, you might find more fulfillment in donating to a cause you care about or volunteering in your community than you would forcing yourself to spend time with family.
Ultimately, the holidays don't have to be perfect to be meaningful. They don't even have to be particularly festive. What matters is that you're taking care of yourself, whatever that looks like for you. If this time of year feels heavy, try approaching it with the same kindness you'd offer a friend. Be patient with yourself, allow room for imperfections, and trust that it's okay to do things your own way, even if that means doing nothing at all.
By letting go of expectations, caring for your own mental health, spending time with people you love, and focusing on what feels meaningful to you, you can create a season that feels less like a chore and more like a gift—a gift you give yourself.
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