Woman Loses Control After Sister Refuses To Use Inheritance To Pay For Her Husband’s Surgery
There's a conflicting feeling that arises when we're pressured to help someone. Maybe we technically have the resources but not planning on using them, or we technically have the time but not the energy.
It feels terrible to turn down a request for help, but sometimes we have to for our own peace of mind. That's what one young woman faced after the death of her father when her sister started demanding a little too much of her.
Dealing with family is even harder when we're still struggling with the effects of the trauma they inflicted upon us in our youth.
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What's Left Behind
Inheritance is always a touchy subject. Not only is it often a big deal, with some sort of substantial amount of money or possessions being left behind, but it also only arrives in the wake of a death, meaning it's grief-filled and emotional for everyone involved.
This means that inheritance-related drama happens often, and when that drama reaches a level where the person involved doesn't know what to do, they'll turn to the internet for advice. That's exactly what one woman did after her father's death, posting to the 'Am I The A**hole' subreddit to ask people if she was wrong for refusing to pay for her sister's husband's surgery with the inheritance money she received from their father.
Starting Point
She starts her post with a bit of context, saying that she (18 years old) and her sister (27 years old) lost their dad a year ago. He was their only parent and left an inheritance for both of them. She currently lives with her aunt because her sister's husband refused to let her stay with them.
That sister has already spent her inheritance money buying new cars and major house renovations. Meanwhile, the author is saving money to pay her college tuition.
A Growing Distance
The post itself kicks off with some drama in the family's history. "My sister & I haven't been close, it started after she got married to her chronically ill husband who was allowed to make backhanded comments about dad and mock his [illness] and make a scene at his funeral, only because he's ill and shouldn't be held accountable for his behavior."
She then describes how she's tried to distance herself, but her sister has been visiting a lot lately, venting about her husband's condition and how he's in need of heart-related surgery.
Immediate Concern
The author already knew where this was going. "She brought up my inheritance money several times but I end up cutting the conversation. She then straight up asked if I could help pay for her husband's surgery and she'd pay back in less than a year."
She was hesitant, she knew there was no guarantee her sister would ever pay her back and needed that money to start her schooling. "I'm taking a year gap but I know my sister can't pay back that much and I felt I was risking my future."
Already Isolated
And so, she said no, which immediately riled up her sister in a major way. "I refused to help and she had a melt down at my aunt's house calling me heartless, cruel with no empathy. She said that her husband's health should be a priority and I needed to help because education is nothing compared to someone's health and asked if I'd be happy to see her as a widow and my nephew with no father."
"My aunt suggested others pay but most of them cut my sister and her husband off."
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Professional Guilt Tripping
"I argued that her husband's poor health isn't my fault after she kept blaming and guiltriping [sic] me. She kept crying and although my aunt decided to stay out of it she said that I should be prepared for permanent damage in my relationship with my sister if I don't help her now."
Of course, this wasn't the last that she heard from her sister about the ordeal. "She's been sending texts and pictures of her family telling me this is what I was saying no to, a happy healthy family with a healthy husband and father. I cried and felt like I was being selfish not good aunt and sister."
An Outside Perspective
Thankfully, the author does have friends offering some perspective. "I asked my friend and he said let them sell the cars and all the luxurious stuff they bought to afford the surgery and warned me if I give them money I'll never get it back and may not be able to go to medical school."
The post was left there, meaning it's up to the comments to enact their judgment. The top comment is fully on the author's side, writing, "You're friend is correct. You'll never get the money back because sis isn't willing to give up her luxurious lifestyle. She chose how to spend her inheritance, didn't save for a rainy day and isn't entitled to yours because of her poor financial planning."
All In Agreement
As did another comment which said, "Your sister is manipulating you. She received the same money you did. If her husband is chronically ill than they should have saved that money for his care instead of spending it on luxury items. She probably always planned to spend her money and yours."
A third person brought up a great point regarding a detail at the beginning of the story, "No one has mentioned that your BIL would not let you stay with them when your dad died, but he's perfectly happy letting you take care of his family while you stay at the Aunt's house? Please don't give these people any money!"
Protecting Yourself
It was a pretty clear consensus among readers that the author was not in the wrong here, and they all encouraged her to focus on her education and chase her dreams of going to to medical school.
It's tough to know what to do when a family member, someone you're supposed to stand by and support, behaves like this. You have to remember that, even if family is involved, you have to prioritize yourself. Our relatives aren't immune from selfish or toxic behavior, and we are not required to bend to their demands. This is your life. Not your family's.
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