Wife Claims That Her Husband’s Affair Saved Their Marriage, ‘He’s Not My Enemy’
Being cheated on is one of the greatest pains one can experience, especially if you happen to be married. The complete betrayal of trust, the working in secrecy, the hiding, the lying, it all builds to a devastating reveal that leaves the victim's world turned completely upside down.
Cheaters, usually should be dropped immediately, needing to face the consequences of their actions. What if there's a life beyond that, though? Is it possible for a couple to stay together healthily after one of them has cheated?
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Cheater, Cheater
Cheating is most often considered a total relationship ender. It's one of the ultimate acts of betrayal that can happen, a partner going behind your back to be intimate with another person while hoping you don't find out. It destroys any amount of trust between you and that person with no hope for repair.
Or does it? For some, as strange as it may seem, they're able to recover and return from a cheating incident, with one woman actually championing the fact that cheating does not have to mark the end of a relationship.
The Drop
Charity Craig, 46, is a marriage coach with a focus on helping women heal and repair any relationship that was fractured by an affair. She's gotten her teachings from her own life experience, as her husband Mark, 41, had an affair during their marriage back in 2012.
The two first met when they were teens at a church youth group, eventually starting to date when Matt turned 18. Three years later, they were getting married.
"Anytime you get married, you're taking a chance. Something tells you you don’t want to live without that person," Matt said during an interview with People.
Ignoring The Signs
It wasn't until eight years and four children into their marriage that things began to go awry. The crux of it all was Matt's job, one that required a lot of hours and constantly being on call, which put a lot of stress on the entire family.
"He kept telling me, 'I've got to get out of here,' but I didn’t listen," Charity explained. "I wasn’t dealing with the toxic behavior behind the scenes."
Because Charity wasn't helping him work through his feelings, he says that his home no longer felt like a safe space for him. These were the feelings that put him down the path to infidelity.
Quitting Too Early
The woman he had an affair with was also from a church group, and his conversations with her started in group texts about church duties, which led to one-on-one messaging about other topics.
"There comes a time when you cross the line and then start rationalizing it," he said. "But once you cross the line sexually, you think you have screwed up too bad to be a good husband, and you walk away."
Of course, the news destroyed Charity. The two separated for six months.
Working Together
However, after that time was done, Charity was open and wanted to try to work things out. During that time apart, she had seen a therapist who helped her work through her feelings on the matter and the behind-the-scenes reasons why the affair might have happened at all. Once back together, Matt also started seeing a therapist. They recognized that this was an issue that needed work from both halves to mend properly.
"You want life to be perfect, but life is life and people are people," Matt said. "You are going to run into the same issues when you run from yourself."
Time Passed
"It dawned on me he's not my enemy," said Charity. "We’re both just humans with deep wounds, and that’s where we started healing."
Matt added, "It was awkward, but it was part of a healing process. You can't expect things to go back to the way they were. And I didn’t want things to go back, and neither did she."
Now, they've remained married longer since the affair than they were before it, having been together for 20 years.
Beneath The Surface
Charity's message isn't that you should always forgive your partner for cheating, no matter what. Sometimes, people cheat because they're a bad person or because they want to cause pain, and that shouldn't be forgiven. Instead, she invites people to examine the reasoning behind the affair and see if anything can be done about it.
"Affairs don't happen in a vacuum," Charity said. “Once you heal yourself and your marriage, 10,000 women can walk past my husband, and he’s not going to blink an eye because he’s not looking for an escape.”
