How To Stop Blaming Your Parents For Your Flaws
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To get to where you are now, you've had to go through an entire lifetime of events, influences, experiences, and growth. Every choice you've made has impacted the way you've developed, slowly molding you into the person you are today.
It's not just our own choices that impact who we are, though. When we're too young to be fully independent, we rely on the choices of our parents or guardians, and they don't always do what's in our best interest, consciously or not. If you're in a bad spot, it's easy to trace things back and blame your parents for your current state, but is that really the healthiest way to go about things?
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Our Sworn Guardians
When facing challenges in our lives, we may become frustrated, especially if they're drawn out or seemingly never-ending. We'll want to find something we can be angry at, find the root cause of these issues. Where did it all start? Where can I direct my anger?
Many people will find that answer in their parents. They'll look to the way they were raised, how their parents treated them, the influences that had on their childhood and adult development, and a lot of the time, they'll be right to! The way our parents raise us will continue to influence us forever, but is it really the best course to blame them for everything?
Only ever blaming our parents for our issues can create new issues of its own, keeping us trapped in a vicious cycle.
Shaping Our Lives
Only ever thinking our parents are responsible for our struggles can lead to a sense of helplessness, resentment, and a feeling of being powerless in our own lives. By continuously pointing fingers, we relinquish our personal power and allow external factors to dictate our present and future. This cycle can lead to not only negative thinking but self-destructive behavior, hindering our progress and ability to create the life we truly desire.
This isn't to say that our parents aren't at least partially at fault for the way we are now. Some people have parents who did truly awful things, and they still deserve blame. It just can't be something that cages us, no matter how true it is.
Trapping Ourselves
The effects of blaming our parents for our present-day life can extend beyond our emotional well-being, impacting our relationships, careers, and overall sense of happiness. It can hinder our ability to form healthy connections with others, as unresolved issues can create issues surrounding trust, vulnerability, and communication.
Remaining hung up on what our parents did can also lead us to believe we are incapable of changing our circumstances and crafting a fulfilling life for ourselves. We feel trapped and caged even though the door is open and always has been.
Digging At The Root
To address and overcome parental blame, we must first delve into the underlying reasons for this mindset. Often, our tendency to blame our parents stems from unresolved emotional wounds, unmet expectations, or a lack of understanding of their own struggles and limitations. It makes sense, we were just kids then! We shouldn't have been expected to understand our parents' entire history and how it led to them treating us the way they did.
By exploring this context, we can begin to untangle the hold that parental blame has on our psyche. It's important to recognize that our parents, too, were influenced by their own circumstances and experiences, which shaped their parenting style and decisions.
Our Strength, Our Power
To break free from the cycle of blame and suffering, we must first embrace our own personal responsibility here. While our upbringing may have influenced certain aspects of our personality and beliefs, we have the power to make our own choices and carve our own path forward.
By acknowledging this responsibility, we can reclaim control over our narrative and actively work towards building the life we desire. Recognizing the influence of external factors in our lives while also acknowledging our ability to shape our own destiny can empower us to transcend the limitations imposed by parental blame.
A New View
That's all easier said than done, though. As a first step, instead of viewing your childhood through a lens of blame and resentment, consider reframing your perspective. Reflect on the positive aspects of your upbringing, the lessons learned, and the strengths you have developed as a result of your experiences. Shifting your perspective can help you find gratitude for the good moments and resilience in the face of challenges, allowing you to redefine your relationship with your past.
Recognizing the impact of your childhood experiences on your current strengths and abilities can also provide a sense of empowerment, even when the origins are a wound on your soul.
Forgiveness Flowing
If you feel it is possible or think it would be healing, forgiveness, both for yourself and your parents, is a powerful tool in releasing the grip of parental blame.
Acknowledge that your parents are also human. They have their own flaws, insecurities, and limitations. By forgiving those who've harmed you, you can free yourself from the burden of carrying resentment, opening the door to healing and growth. Recognizing the humanity and imperfections of our parents can help us release the emotional burden of blame and allow us to empathize instead.
Not everyone is ready for forgiveness, though, and that's okay. This is a journey that will take time. Don't force yourself to forgive that which you're not ready to also let go of.
Loving Ourselves
On a more personal note, practicing self-reflection and self-acceptance will be the most common and among the most important steps on your healing journey. Take the time to explore your beliefs, values, and aspirations independent of your upbringing. Embrace your individuality, strengths, and areas for growth, working towards accepting yourself unconditionally.
This process can help you build a strong sense of self, independent of external influences, even that of your parents. Engaging in deep self-reflection can provide valuable insights into our own motivations and behaviors, leading to a deeper understanding of our reactions to our upbringing and how we can distance ourselves from it.
With A Little Help
Overcoming parental blame can be a challenging journey, but it's not one you have to travel alone. Whether through therapy, support groups, or trusted friends and mentors, surrounding yourself with a supportive network can offer encouragement, insight, and a sense of community as you navigate this deeply transformative process.
Seeking connections with others who have undergone similar experiences can also provide validation and support, a warmth you'll need to remain motivated on your path toward greater peace.
Free From Their Influence
Ultimately, letting go of parental blame requires embracing the power of choice and change. Recognize that you have the agency to rewrite your story, shape your beliefs, and create the life you want for yourself. By embracing this change and taking proactive steps towards personal fulfillment, you can liberate yourself from the constraints of parental blame and forge a path aligned with your true desires.
Embracing your potential for change, your potential for growth beyond the emotional restraints you still feel, will change your life. Blaming your parents for things that were their fault is fine on its own, but letting it control your life only ensures that you'll remain trapped under their influence until you can release it. They may have been bad, they may have done bad things, but you're more than that. Now, you must see that for yourself.
If you need a little guidance, start with this free quiz that will help uncover the roots of your trauma and provide advice on what to do with that knowledge. Click here to learn more and step into a new, happier chapter of your life.
