When you think about your best traits or even traits you see in others that you want to adopt, what do you consider? Do you think being loyal is one of your best qualities? Maybe honest? Courageous?
Well, first, we have to decide what makes a trait good. Sure, it's great if it makes us feel good about ourselves and boosts our confidence, but wouldn't the best trait of all be one that helps ourselves and others? What does that kind of trait look like, and how does it help?
Kindness, understanding, and empathy can all be considered superpowers, as they motivate us to help those in need. However, empathy in particular has a secret side to it, one that's more powerful than it appears on the surface.
Click here to learn whether or not you're an empath with abilities you have yet to awaken today.
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When on the hunt for a significant other, whether it's a dedicated search or a round of casual dating, we all have preferences regarding what traits we want a prospective partner to have. Some want their partner to be intelligent, creative, or funny. They want someone who works out, someone who reads, or maybe they want someone laid-back who's open to almost anything.
While these tastes are subjective, with everyone wanting something different and that being perfectly okay, there is one trait in particular that's measurable better than the rest.
That trait is optimism.
A study published in the Journal of Personality in 2019 followed 4,457 couples for eight years and regularly assessed the optimism and cognition of both parties.
The results? Having an optimistic partner is one of the best things you can do for your cognitive health outside of living a healthy lifestyle on your own because being married to someone optimistic appears to reduce cognitive decline and the risk of developing dementia.
Previous studies have shown that being optimistic can increase someone's odds of reaching 85 years old by up to 70%, so optimism being good for health isn't new. However, optimism also bettering the health of those around you was definitely a new discovery, one that's changed how a lot of people look at their relationships.
"We found that when you look at the risk factors for what predicts things like Alzheimer's disease or dementia, a lot of them are things like living a healthy lifestyle. Maintaining a healthy weight and physical activity are large predictors," wrote study co-author Dr. William Chopik.
"There are some physiological markers as well. It looks like people who are married to optimists tend to score better on all of those metrics."
He then compared these results to other studies that also touch on optimism, namely the idea that good qualities can actually make a partner jealous. "There's a sense where optimists lead by example, and their partners follow their lead. While there's some research on people being jealous of their partner’s good qualities or on having bad reactions to someone trying to control you, it is balanced with other research that shows being optimistic is associated with perceiving your relationship in a positive light."
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After all, again, as Dr. Chopik says, we spend countless days around the people we love. "We spend a lot of time with our partners. They might encourage us to exercise, eat healthier or remind us to take our medicine. When your partner is optimistic and healthy, it can translate to similar outcomes in your own life," he writes.
"You actually do experience a rosier future by living longer and staving off cognitive illnesses."
But what if you're not optimistic? Does that mean you're out of luck? Are you doomed to a shorter life and unhappy relationships? Not at all! While there are certain genetic and upbringing-related components to being optimistic, it's also a trait that can be learned.
"There are studies that show people have the power to change their personalities, as long as they engage in things that make them change," Dr. Chopik added to the study. "Part of it is wanting to change."
Through visualization techniques, mindfulness, and sometimes, professional help from a therapist, anyone can help foster and grow their optimism until it becomes an innate part of themselves. It takes work, but it's doable! And it helps everyone in the long run.
So, while you're out on the prowl or seriously considering a long-term relationship, keep optimism in mind—both your own and your potential partner's. Being positive, confident, and hopeful about the future can change not just your life but the lives of everyone around you. Be that cheerful force everyone anchors to when they need it.
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