We Only Fall in Love with These 3 People in Our Lifetime, Each One for a Reason

There’s a theory that we really only fall in love with three people in our lifetime. We may like a lot of people throughout our lives but these are the ones that mark us, consume us and change us. The only problem is that we often have a hard time letting go so most of us never even make it to the third one despite it being the most important, most successful kind of love.

We need to experience each of one of these loves for a different reason. But we also need to not be limited by them so that we can experience the unlimited love that happens the third time, if we’re patient enough to wait for it. Surely, we can all chose to stay with our first love because it’s comfortable and out of fear of never finding a second, or third. But those loves will always feel like something is missing and here’s why.

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Our First Idealistic Love

We are often young when we experience our first love, some of us are as young as our teens while the more patient sum of us are in our twenties. During this love, we’re still trying to figure out who we are, how we love, and how we want to be loved. We have an uneven balance of needs because we don’t even know yet what they are, let alone how to ask for them.

During this first love, we’re chasing an ideal of love, not one based on our tailored wants, needs, and desires. Our expectation of it is only based on movies and fairytales because we’re missing the experience to be able to create our own standard. Often we go through this love because we feel like we should, not for the right reasons.

It’s A Love Full Of Judgement

During a first love, we stay with someone to please them, our families, or society so we settle. We brush off the reasons why something doesn’t feel quite right and try to make something work that’s not right for us because we don’t know any better and we don’t actually know what love is truly supposed to feel like yet.

Often first loves turn out toxic because we justify behavior we shouldn’t, not yet understanding the magnitude of the harm they can cause. First loves are often behind commitment and trust issues that some of us carry and have a hard time letting go of as we move on to second loves. Often during this love, how others see us, including our partner seems more important than how we see ourselves. It’s often not until we walk away from this love, no matter how good ad consuming it is, that we actually begin to find ourselves.

The Second Messy Love

The first love is meant to bring you closer to who you are, but the second is meant to teach what you need out of a fulfilling relationship. This is a hard love. The highs are high but the lows are low and that’s all meant to teach you a lesson on how you not only want to be loved but how you should be loved.

Unfortunately, we tend to learn the hard way. During this kind of love despite both of your best intentions, one of you or both falls into the trap of manipulation or betrayal and you experience pain and heartbreak. You think that you’re making better choices than your first love and you are, but you’re also now facing your patterns. You will start to notice which parts of your childhood are triggering you or what cycles from your first love are coming back up. This will force you to confront and separate healthy relationships from toxic ones and show you that love by itself is simply not enough.

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It’s Full Of Trial And Error

The problem with the second love is that many think that they can just stick it through. They hold on to memories of the past or to the potential of the future. Even when this love is built on an equal foundation or on narcissistic tendencies, some people get hooked to its intensity and refuse to let go. They go through a rollercoaster of emotions and every time they’re at a low they try to desperately fix it. This love is at risk of becoming an addiction.

Many are afraid of being without love and of never being to find another again. Ultimately this love is just more work than it should be and is only meant to be full of lessons. This is the kind of love we wish was the right one but only realize that it wasn’t when we experience our third love.

The Unplanned Third Love

Usually the third is the love that happens when you least expect it. You’re usually in a good place and love isn’t even on your mind, then you meet someone who doesn’t even seem like the type that you would ever fall for but for some reason you gravitate towards them. This love is not always immediately intense but it grows on you. it slowly gets rid of what your ideals are and replaces them with a new idea of love that you never even thought of.

Somehow this love is able to fulfill your needs without feeling like a rollercoaster ride. It’s patient, consistent and gradual but the more it grows the stronger it feels. This is the love that finally shows you what love is supposed to be. It’s natural which makes it easy. You simply start to go with the flow and you stop planning because it just feels right.

A Love Without Expectations

This is the love where two people come together and they just fit. They don’t make sense right away but that’s the point! They perfectly balance each other through their differences. They’re never trying to compete or use each other for validation, codependency, or to fill a void. They’re both in independently happy places in their lives and they’re able to come together to add to each other. They are a team working together towards a better life without pressure to change each other or to force something that’s not there.

When you finally experience this kind of love everything makes sense, and it feels like you’re coming home, to your safe and happy place.

Some Never Make It To The Third

Unfortunately, few are the ones that get to experience the third kind of love. People often justify all kinds of love that aren’t right for them just to suppress their deep longing to be loved in general. Remember the phrase: “we only accept the love that we think that we deserve.” That’s why it’s important to walk away from our first love to find our worth, then again from our second to learn its lessons. Some of us never actually take the time to learn the lessons and simply repeat our second love over and over again, getting stuck in our cycles and patterns and never actually making the space for the third love.

Yes, there are a few lucky ones that skip over the first two and find their third immediately but it’s still not easy. They both still have to learn to find themselves and understand their needs in love together. In all cases, love is hard work so don’t rush it and enjoy the ride.

Love Is Patient, Love Is Kind

We don’t blame you for being frustrated with dating and wanting to stick with what’s comfortable but if you’re struggling to find and keep a quality relationship, click here to find out how to break the cycle.

For more great relationship advice and tips on how to attain the kind of love you deserve, watch this video from expert, Amy North: Click Here To Watch The Full Video.