Our lives can be boiled down to the never-ending pursuit of being a better person. The desire to do better by others, and by ourselves, should be one we're always striving toward. To invite kindness into places and provide a sense of warmth to those around you should be the ultimate goal for anyone wanting to leave something good behind.
Thankfully, bettering one's self actually has other benefits, with some traits relating to selflessness leading others to find us more attractive.
For some, a goal of theirs is to become more attractive. They'll try out different styles, haircuts, going to the gym, or for the most extreme, even undergoing surgery to either chase their own self confidence or the attraction of others.
Something that people like that tend to forget is that attractiveness exists beyond the surface, and to be a truly beautiful person, you have to attain that beauty within yourself. In fact, recent studies show that the trait that makes you more attractive has nothing to do with physical looks at all.
That's right, thanks to a catalog of research, analysts have determined that compassion is the trait that can make us immediately more attractive in someone's eyes if we possess or express it frequently.
To be compassionate is to feel sympathy or concern for the suffering of others. It also involves feeling empathetic with others, as well as a genuine want to help others feel better through proactive advice. Being compassionate is a wonderful trait to have, and though it means you shoulder more of the worlds' various burdens, you'll find that others are more trusting of you for it.
How was it discovered that being compassionate raises attractiveness?
First, a 2016 study had already determined that people simply find compassion and traits associated with it such as selflessness and empathy appealing! We tend to like kind people more than unkind people, so it would make sense that those same desires would be present when furthering a relationship.
Then, a study conducted by University of Iowa social psychology professor Eva Klohnen saw that we're actually genetically more attracted to people who show compassion. Perhaps it's born from the desire to be understood and have our feelings treated seriously by those we love.
Being compassionate has other incredible benefits beyond just raising your attractiveness, too! In 2019, a research team at the University of North Carolina discovered that having a compassionate nature can actually slow the aging process.
Over 12 weeks, they measured something called telomeres, which are the genetic markers for aging, in those who practiced loving-kindness meditation and compared them to those who didn't. The latter had their telomeres shortened at a normal rate, but the former didn't see any shortening in their telomeres at all, meaning that the group warded off aging just by meditating on love and gratitude.
Yes! If you think your compassion could use a bit of work, there are steps you can take to help you hone in on it and bring it out in more areas of your life, with the first suggestion being meditation.
On Psychology Today, they walk through the six steps laid out by meditation instructor Vishen Lahkiani about how to introduce compassion into your life as a beginner meditator. "From a spiritual approach, you can train our brain to be kinder and more compassionate through meditation," he explains. "Think of it as the act of moving from judgment to caring, from isolation to connection from indifference or dislike to understanding."
"It will take a bit of practice, and it might feel weird or silly at first. But once you get the hang of it, it will become second nature," he advises, with the six steps being as follows.
1. Bring a loved one to mind. As you take deep breaths, visualize someone you love as you exhale, focusing on the love they inspire in you as a driver for compassion.
2. Allow that compassion to encompass your body. Detach that feeling of compassion from your pictured loved one and let it grow bigger, filling you up so you're under its comforting warmth.
3. Expand compassion into the room you're in. After you feel full of this compassion, that means you've truly dialed in on it and can let it grow outside of your body. Imagine it filling the room like a bubble growing bigger and bigger, covering everything.
4. Send your compassion to the streets. You've figured out how to make your compassion bubble grow, so push it outside of your home, allow your compassion to flood the streets, and bring joy to whoever it crosses.
5. Allow compassion to cover your city, and your country. Now that it's on a roll, your compassion cannot be stopped. It's a driven force for good and positivity in the world, its presence in the forefront of your mind, helping you better learn what it feels like.
6. Allow compassion to envelop the Earth itself. This is the final goal for this visualization practice, each deep breath you take driving your compassion outwards and onwards until it touches every corner of the planet.
By practicing compassionate meditation even for just a few minutes a day, you'll find that your compassion becomes easier to tune into whenever you desire.
If meditation isn't your thing, there's another, more practical process that can help you feel the joys of compassion and thus seek to engage with it more often, and that's performing acts of generosity.
Kindness is contagious, so if we do something kind in public for someone else, that person (and others who see it) may then do something kind for someone else in turn. To know that you've sparked a chain of well-wishes and selfless acts is a wonderful way to understand your own capacity for compassion.
Though, yes, being more compassionate can make you more attractive in turn, trying to learn compassion from that standpoint is entirely antithetical. Your desire to be kind towards others should not come from a place of selfish gain, or wanting to appear better in the eyes of others. You should want to become a more compassionate person because you believe others are worthy and deserving of compassion.
After all, becoming a better person and furthering your emotional development will always be more important than improving your physical beauty.
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