This Is The One Difference Between Narcissism and High-Self Esteem

Similar, But Mostly Different

Due to the prominence of the term, there are now people chomping at the bit to label someone in their life a narcissist when that really isn't the case. Narcissism does still have a strict set of symptoms and behaviors that can't be attributed to just anybody.

The biggest mix-up that takes place is between actual narcissists and those who simply have high self-esteem. When you don't know the differences between the two they can be hard to differentiate, so here's what separates true narcissism from someone having a high opinion of themselves.

Official Business

To start, narcissism is more than just a collection of traits that make up a social label, it's actually a full-fledged personality disorder. It's most often characterized by unrealistic senses of grandeur and self-importance, self-centeredness, and a lack of empathy. They hold themselves to extremely high regard and often take little interest in the lives or feelings of others.

Though these aspects do sound negative, it's important to remember that someone having narcissistic personality disorder doesn't automatically make them a bad person. While some absolutely use these facets of their being to do harm, others are very conscious of these facts and tread carefully as not to completely disregard other people.

Low Effort

For narcissists, this extreme sense of self-worth and value is often founded on nothing but their mere existence. This isn't to say that they have no redeeming qualities or other accomplishments to be proud of, but rather that they don't need these things to consider themselves the most important person in the room. All they have to do to be worth more than other people is be there. Their value—in their mind—is intrinsic to their very being.

For those who have high self-esteem without the narcissism attached, their confident view of themselves is more often something they worked to achieve.

Hard Work Paying Off

Sure, some people develop naturally high self-esteem as they grow older, but for many people, it takes years of working through doubts and uncertainties before they're able to look at their accomplishments and be proud of what they've done. It can take even longer for them to realize that those accomplishments are what embodies them, it's not just a temporary thing that wears off. They did something good and are allowed to carry that.

It goes beyond accomplishments too. People are allowed to have high self-esteem about their appearance, a talent of theirs, or any other aspect of themselves.

More Than Mental

A 2022 study investigated early physiological indicators of both narcissism and high self-esteem in children, noting the differences in these budding traits.

The children (all four and a half years old) were invited to a lab to perform a song. For two minutes prior to their performance, they were instructed to sit on a podium. They would sing their song, then return to the podium to sit for another minute.

Researchers recorded the physiological responses these children had during these different phases, including their heart rate and electrocardiogram to measure feelings such as nervousness.

Heightened Emotions

The children then returned to the lab when they were seven and a half years old, which is when differences between self-esteem and narcissism begin forming more clearly.

This time, they just completed questionnaires that assess narcissism and self-esteem. These questionnaires are what placed them in one category or the other when analyzing their physical responses from a few years earlier.

Results showed that children predisposed to narcissism "showed elevated skin conductance levels during anticipation of the [performance]." Meanwhile, children predisposed to high self-esteem "showed lowered skin conductance throughout the procedure."

Skin conductance measures the skin's ability to conduct electricity, an ability that gets heightened when experiencing fear and other 'arousing' emotions such as excitement. Higher skin conductance means more of that emotion is being felt.

Hidden Nerves

These results also supported the idea that narcissistic children are "more fragile and prone to social-evaluative concerns." In contrast, children with high self-esteem are "more secure and able to feel comfortable in social-evaluative contexts."

To put it more simply, narcissistic children didn't feel any more nervous when moving from the waiting period to the performance itself while children with high self-esteem did. The narcissistic children had already reached their baseline level of anxiety upon arrival.

It's also possible that the narcissistic children considered the performance positive because it was a time that they were receiving attention and praise.

Nature And Nurture

Though their anxiety levels didn't change, they were still there, showing that narcissists aren't completely immune to such feelings even though they appear to be.

Narcissistic children are more likely to have parents who believe they're inherently special, over-valuing them and thus placing extremely high expectations on them. This affects the child's psyche not only by inflating their ego and allowing them to view other children as lesser than, but also by making them hypersensitive to rejection. Surely they couldn't have failed, they're special, they're the exception!

Meanwhile, children with high-self esteem are more likely to have been raised with warm, responsive, supportive parents. They allow their children to explore their own interests and natural talents rather than placing them on a pedestal to be displayed.

Deeper Than It Seems

This study, along with a close analysis of narcissistic tendencies, shows that narcissists fear rejection even more than an average person might. Their façade is very high-and-mighty, but they're not unlike the rest of us in that they also experience anxiety and nervousness.

This doesn't excuse the harm they may cause as they grapple with those fears, though, and it doesn't diminish the lens through which they view themselves. All it does is provide a little context and complexity to an often misunderstood group of people.

There are a million other factors that come into play with a condition this layered, and there are other causes for narcissism beyond parental expectations. Not to mention that those with high self-esteem are also capable of harm, but for the most part, high self-esteem is something more humble. You don't automatically think of yourself as the best; you have enough confidence to know that you're good, which you should never be ashamed of.

Are you interested in learning more about the secrets of your dreams? Tap into the 4,000-year-old science of Numerological Analysis with a FREE Numerology video report!

That's right, the numerology of your birth date, regardless of your Zodiac sign, can help you discover detailed information about who you truly are and what is hiding in your subconscious. You won't believe how accurate it is!

Click HERE to learn what Numerology says about your life using only your Birth Date.