These Situations Trigger Adults Who Were Emotionally Neglected As Children
When we face traumatic events, especially in our childhood, we're often left with the remnants of that trauma still lingering in our minds. It pops up when we least expect it, reminding us of the struggles we've faced, thus upsetting us and souring our entire mood. In more extreme cases, it can even bring about panic attacks, dissociative periods, or other very serious reactions.
People who have been in similar situations tend to have similar triggers later in life, meaning if you've faced a certain type of trauma, you might be able to predict what some of your present-day triggers are.
Childhood trauma, though impactful, doesn't have to control your life forever. You have the power to rise above and defeat the darkness yet again.
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Holding Our Hurt
Being neglected in your youth, no matter what form that neglect took, can seriously change your brain chemistry. It affects the way you react to things like affection, attention, or pressure. What one person can handle just fine, another might struggle with, unable to face without great bouts of panic.
Here, you'll find some of the common emotional triggers among those who experienced emotional neglect as children, the situations that upset them and leave them feeling weak. Knowing what harms you can strengthen you, enabling you to navigate life with a clearer path ahead.
1. Being Criticized
For those who grew up under emotional neglect, any form of criticism can feel like a personal attack. Even when feedback is meant to be kind, it may trigger feelings of inadequacy or unworthiness. They have a general heightened heightened sensitivity to perceived disapproval.
They may find themselves becoming defensive, withdrawn, or shutting down completely when receiving feedback at work or in personal relationships. This often seems overdramatic to onlookers, but know that it's a reaction they struggle to control, and it's an extremely tough mindset to overcome.
2. Feeling Ignored
Social gatherings can be particularly challenging for adults who experienced emotional neglect as children. Being in a group where they feel invisible or unimportant can trigger memories of being overlooked, dismissed, and ignored during childhood. This tends to make them anxious, so much so that they avoid social outings altogether.
This fear can manifest not just with friends but also at work or with family. Beyond never going out socially, the person affected might not feel comfortable working anywhere outside of their home, or they might even avoid family gatherings during the holidays.
3. Trying To Openly Express Their Feelings
Adults who grew up in emotionally neglectful environments often struggle with identifying and expressing their own feelings, fears, and needs. This difficulty can become particularly apparent in relationships or when faced with situations that require some level of emotional vulnerability. Since showing their true feelings has likely gotten them scorn in the past, they now refuse to, fearing the same negative reactions they saw in their youth.
It often doesn't show up as an outright refusal to share feelings, but rather a sense of overwhelm and panic when they try. They need to really trust someone before they can open up.
4. Having Their Boundaries Ignored
Nobody likes having their boundaries violated, but for those who experienced emotional neglect, it can be a significant, extreme trigger. Whether it's someone constantly invading their personal space or a social request of theirs being ignored, they're left feeling powerless, invisible, and ultimately, worthless.
Learning to enforce boundaries at all is a major step for anyone who's faced trauma of any kind, so to have the courage to voice your limits only to have them be dismissed is heartbreaking. It can take time for that courage to come back after.
5. Facing Unexpected Changes
Sudden changes or disruptions to established routines can be particularly triggering for those who experienced emotional neglect as children. The unpredictability, lack of control, and sometimes lack of communication in these situations may remind them of the instability and unreliability they experienced during childhood, leaving them feeling anxious, frustrated, or even panicked.
This could include last-minute changes to work schedules, unexpected cancellations of plans, or sudden shifts in living arrangements. They need time to prepare for change, so when it's dropped unexpectedly, it turns their whole world upside down.
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6. Their Successes Not Being Celebrated
For adults who grew up with emotional neglect, moments of personal achievement or success can paradoxically become sources of stress. Though it's not healthy, they really do need validation from others, so if there's a lack of recognition or celebration for these accomplishments, it can trigger feelings of unworthiness, echoing childhood experiences where their achievements may have gone unacknowledged.
Though everyone should work on being their own best source of validation, that doesn't stop the hurt that comes from having your achievements overlooked. We should all be celebrating as much as we can!
7. Navigating Conflicts
Conflicts can be particularly difficult for those who've experienced emotional neglect as children. Even small disagreements or arguments may evoke feelings of intense anxiety. They're thrown into a spiral, now fearing that their involvement with the person they're disagreeing with, be they friends, lovers, or something else, is now over.
This tends to mean they avoid conflict at all costs, which very easily becomes people-pleasing behavior. Alongside the fear of voicing concerns mentioned earlier, soon, the person stops living for themself and only lives within the confines of what others want from them.
8. Being Alone
While most people celebrate the gaining of independence and forging a life on their own, those who've suffered emotional neglect are instead fearful or anxious about it. Things like moving out, living alone, and even a breakup can really trigger feelings of intense loneliness that harken back to their younger years.
Sometimes, social media helps, offering possibilities for communities to help people stay grounded, but it can also be a hindrance, as people observe the curated lives of others and wonder why they feel they can't live that same way.
9. Exchanging Emotional Support
Adults who experienced emotional neglect may find it challenging to provide emotional support to others, even those they love, as these situations can trigger memories of their own unmet emotional needs. This can be particularly difficult in parenting or caregiving roles, where the emotional demands can feel overwhelming and all-consuming.
This anxiety can extend to create unease when support is extended to them. They may become uncomfortable with physical affection, with outward displays of empathy, or with people trying to relate to them. They always believe they should be the ones to toughen up so as not to burden others with their problems.
Creating Your Life
It's impossible to heal from past pain without knowing what triggers that pain in the present day. It's natural to feel embarrassed about this stuff, about having triggers at all, but another vital component of healing is being able to forgive yourself for having sensitivities. You're not wrong, weak, or unintelligent for having them. You're just stressed out.
By knowing what hurts us, we can learn to either avoid it or how to cope with it. Either way, you're curating a life that suits you better, and there's never anything wrong with that.
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