Therapist Shares How To Know If Your Relationship Is Failing

Fighting Side By Side

Every relationship has its struggles. It's impossible to spend a lifetime with someone without a disagreement, fight, rift, or something similar happening to cause tension and strife. It's nothing to be ashamed of. If anything, it's healthy to learn how to work through these types of things as a couple so you can become stronger and more confident.

However, sometimes it gets to be too much. A relationship runs into too many issues and starts to fizzle out, but how can you know when it's over for good? Aldrich Chan, a therapist and neuropsychologist, spoke to Business Insider about the three biggest telltale signs that your relationship is failing.

They Retreat During Tough Times

When things get hard, be it due to a conflict or any of the many external factors that can put stress on a relationship, you and your partner should want to work through it together. You're a joint front, and you won't be able to grow if you don't overcome challenges as a couple.

If your partner instead pulls back during tough times, withdrawing or isolating themselves, that can be a bad sign. This is known as 'stonewalling,' which Chan explained "can erode trust and connection because it leaves the other partner feeling threatened and uncertain during a major point of tension."

They Criticize Your Character

Fights can get heated sometimes, and harsh words can be thrown around, but things usually cool down and apologies are exchanged. We understand that we don't always act rationally when we're angry. That being said, direct insults (especially if repeated or said outside of a fight) are especially concerning.

"It's characterized by a demeaning attitude, where one partner acts with moral superiority over the other partner," Chan said. He continued by explaining that, in a healthy dynamic, partners argue with the goal of understanding each other, not putting one another down.

You Feel Disinterested In Improving Your Relationship

A relationship failing isn't all based on the other person's feelings. There are times when you falter, doubt, or begin to question your future together. That's why paying attention to your thoughts about the relationship is equally as important. There may come a point where you grow tired of trying to fix things, and that's when the issue arises.

"If you've tried multiple times to communicate with your partner in a clear and concise way — and perhaps you've even changed some things for your partner — but they seem to be resisting all of your attempts, then that's a sign it's not working," said Chan.

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Set Your Future Straight

Now, just because these signs pop up, that doesn't mean the relationship is doomed to fail. You can still bounce back if it's something that you and your partner want enough, but you have to want it. It'll be a lot of work, but the fight is worth it to keep your one and only and become healthier as a couple.

Only you can decide what the best route going forward is for you and your partner. Consider your health, your happiness, and your future, then do what's best for you. Even if you love them, you have to put yourself first.