What are the words you wish you would hear from the loved ones you lost? Or better yet, if the next message you sent was your last, what would it be? We don't tend to think of our next set of words being our last so we say things we don't mean, forget to let people know how much we care for them, or live in fear of speaking our truths.
This tumbler account run by a 21-year-old containing submissions of the last messages people received from lost loved ones puts into perspective the power of words, especially when they're our last point of contact with someone we cherish.
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"My best friend, my everything, my partner, my soulmate of 12 years died the night of August 24. At around 11 pm that night, I felt a wave of sadness wash over me out of nowhere. I highly suspect this is when he died. The last text conversation we had was about how much I work.
I got the call at 11 am the next day, August 25."
Use your time in ways you'll never regret. Ask yourself what your priorities are. Work may help you succeed but what matters most when you get home? Is it the work still waiting for you every day for the rest of your life or the person who makes it all worth it?
"Last message my grandma sent me when she went into heart surgery. Died 9 days later."
Mother and grandmas have a sixth sense that gives them the ability to say the things we need to hear before we even know that we need them. Cherish the time you have with them because it's numbered. Instead of postponing calling them, pick up the phone now...before it's too late. You may be used to the comfort of having them by your side since you were born, but one day they won't be anymore...That's just the cycle of life.
"I had a bad feeling because I knew he'd been depressed, so I messaged and called him repeatedly throughout the day. He never answered me again. He was dead 5 hours later ...
Paramedics found him outside a dirty motel unresponsive. I’ll never know why things ended how they did... Now our son is going to grow up without a dad. I miss him more than I can put into words… I’ll love him until the day I die. RIP, baby."
You never know what's hiding behind a loved one's smile. Be sure to know the signs and to give them the space to ask for support if they need it. Check-in on the ones you love.
"This is the last text I got from my mum before she died of brain cancer at the age of 53. It left her completely paralyzed on the left side of her body, hence the typos in the texts What she was saying was, 'You're missing 'music therapy'. Almost as good as Good Friday church giggles.'
"A few years prior, we went to a Good Friday service. The choir was absolutely horrendous - couldn't sing whatsoever. She and I sat there, in the most somber church service of all unable to stop, laughing hysterically. She sent me this text while she was in hospice and I was at school. She knew I'd laugh at that. At the time she sent me this, her brain had been rapidly fading. She never lost her crazy sense of humor, even during the end. This is probably the best last text I could've ever gotten."
You can count on mom to keep your spirits up even when hitting rock bottom.
"My mum was in hospice care because she had major surgery. That night I was upset with her because we'd gotten in a fight over the phone. Those texts were the last texts I ever received from her (the green messages are actually hers. This is her old phone.) and I feel like the luckiest person because my mum got to know how much I loved her."
While we all get caught up in the heat of the moment, be mindful of the words that leave your mouth as you might never be able to take them back. Speak as if those words will be your last.
"I had met him six months before and fell in love with him. By the time I had realized it, he didn't want me anymore so we stayed close friends. I had signed on to let him finally know I was in love with him only to read this and the next message from our good friend letting me know he had killed himself that day. Nothing will be the same again."
They say that everything happens for a reason. Even when a relationship doesn't work out when you want it to be, it's because one of the two isn't in a place to receive it. Don't let that be the reason you resent each other.
"My good friend's dad died around Thanksgiving. Two weeks later he drank himself to death."
Isn't ironic that grief itself can be the driver of our own death. On a physical level grief can cause a variety of effects on the body including increased inflammation, joint pain, headaches, and digestive problems. It can also lower your immunity, making you more prone to illness. Grief also can contribute to cardiovascular problems, difficulty sleeping, and unhealthy coping mechanism
Let the grief in. Allow yourself to experience the pain of loss. After all, grief is a natural response to loss so don't feel ashamed about how you feel or attempt to repress it because your body will know. Healing happens gradually; it can't be forced or hurried, and there is no "normal" timetable for grieving. Take your time in accepting your new reality.
The truth is there is no formula for healing from grief. What you need to do is acknowledge your pain, look for support from the people who care about you, and do your best in taking care of yourself physically until the emotional side follows. Take it day by day.
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