An affair or case of infidelity means different things to different people. Cheating can happen on an emotional level as well as a physical one. The boundaries are pretty clear in some cases but more blurry in others. What matters is how it makes the other person feel. The pain or rejection and deception are what cause the damage and in most cases, it's almost impossible to repair it.
However while this pain can take over and destroy your life, it can also make you stronger and lead you to your best life if you change your energy and attention back to yourself. This is what separates confident women from the rest ad helps them move on from infidelity.
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The pain of infidelity is incomparable and this is not to diminish it. In fact, when someone cheats on you, you suffer a great loss which then you then need to grieve. You not only lose your ability to trust, but you also lose a part of yourself, hope in the relationship, in love altogether and it can taint your past memories together.
Being cheated on can change your core values and have you question yourself. It hurts so much it can cause physical pain, with the same parts of the brain that process pain sensations being activated. This is what makes you feel socially excluded and rejected. But, you don't have to remain a victim to it.
Both partners need to be willing to listen about what the problems and difficulties are. Chances are, although not always, there was a lead-up to this moment. Maybe you were fighting a lot or felt distanced or too comfortable with one another.
While this in no way makes you the one to blame for their cheating, it brings clarity to how it could have happened which helps in the healing process. This is especially important if any part of you wants to find a way to recover the relationship.
In some cases, there is truly no way to rationalize the behavior. Sometimes it comes down to admitting that your partner did not hold to the values they promised. That's confidence initself.
When you first find out about the infidelity you will naturally be heartbroken and feel deceived. This will push you into a fight-or-flight response. Either you'll want to yell at them so they know exactly what you think, and come up with some plan for revenge, or you'll completely shut down and want to talk to no one while you cry your heart out.
While there is no right way to deal with pain, there are healthy ways and others that keep you stuck in it. Confident women know how to process their emotions. They turn to their trusted circle, or professional help, to get their feelings out instead of bottling them in. They ask for help when needed. They also communicate to the cheater about how they would like to move forward. You'll never be able to get through it unless you can talk about the pain.
Your instinct might be to wonder what it is that you did wrong and how you could have prevented it. We tend to shift the blame to ourselves even when it's not our fault because it gives us the illusion that if we're the ones to blame, we can change the circumstances. Unfortunately, you can't control a person or their actions, all you can control is your reaction.
You will need to take extra care of yourself during this time to protect your energy. Confident women keep their confidence through tough times by making sure they stay attuned to their needs.
It's okay to take a day off and to cry in bed with ice cream as long as you're balancing it out with a nature walk, quality time with friends, or a spa day.
You might feel like cursing out your cheating your partner and making their life, as well as the life of the person they had the affair with, a living hell just so they can feel an ounce of the pain they caused you. But, you'll quickly realize that revenge and anger won't actually make you feel better.
The less you entertain their behavior, the more you're able to process. Chose where you spend your energy wisely. Hold your head up high, remind yourself of your worth, and don't stoop down to their level.
Whether you chose to stay or leave doesn't define your character or self-esteem as long as you're doing it for the right reason. Do what truly makes you happy. If you believe forgiving and giving a second chance will be healthy and worth it, stay. But if you feel like you have to stay simply because you can't let go or it hurts too much, then leave, and the healing will eventually follow.
In any relationship, always look at how you feel and ask yourself: does this person make you love yourself more? Do you want to grow old with them?
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