Survive Dealing With Toxic Family This Thanksgiving With These Strategies
It's nearing Thanksgiving yet again, and while that does hold the promise of some delicious food and time spent with loved ones, it also likely means some time spent with less-than-loved ones. Those family members you never got along with or who say terrible things about you. Now you have to be trapped in a house with them for a whole evening. Wonderful.
Don't worry, you still have time to build an attack plan and get yourself through the dinner with the least amount of stress possible.
A toxic family upbringing can do serious damage to your inner child, damage you can only fix by speaking to them.
The Inner Child Journal walks you through the process of identifying, contacting, and working with your inner child to help heal these wounds. Are you ready to give yourself the help that younger you needed?
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Thankful Or Thankless?
Thanksgiving is meant to be a season of gratitude, one where we gather with our loved ones and express how thankful we are to have them, to have all the privileges and joys we receive every day, and to remember what's truly important. However, despite all that, the day itself is often filled with stress and tension, especially when toxic family members are at the table.
If you're dreading this upcoming Thanksgiving, thanks to a nasty relative or two, know that there are mental strategies you can employ to help take their edge off. Here are just a few.
1. Wear Your Armors
This may sound superficial, but the clothes you wear can seriously impact how you feel and how you handle stressful situations. Pick an outfit that makes you feel powerful, confident, or safe. Maybe it's a blazer that makes you feel in control, a new pair of boots that you love, or a soft sweater that feels like a hug.
When you’re wearing something that boosts your confidence, happiness, or comfort, it’s easier to stay grounded, even in the face of negativity.
2. Pivot The Conversation
One way to avoid the stress of tense conversation topics is to try to avoid them altogether. Prepare a mental list of fun, light topics to pivot to if the conversation takes a toxic turn. You can play host a bit, mediating and keeping spirits high by steering everyone toward more positive conversation.
Bring up things like travel, (harmless) recent events, or, most effectively, family memories. Anything that lets people talk about their thoughts and opinions but in a happier context.
3. Dig Deeper
Alternatively, you can address the problem head-on. One of the best ways to let a family member know you won't deal with their toxic comments is to turn it back on them. Not in a mean way, that would be stooping to their level, but in an investigative way.
For example, if a family member says something hurtful, calmly ask, "Why do you feel that way?" or “That's an interesting perspective, can you explain?” This puts the ball in their court and makes them actually think about their words.
4. Step Away
Having a graceful way to step away when things get heated is very important. If a family member refuses to back down to maintain the peace, you need a place you can go where you won't be forced to listen.
Plan small "escapes," like stepping outside for fresh air or offering to help in the kitchen. If you're seated at the table and need a moment to reset, excuse yourself to check on something in another room. You don't need to sit and stew in a toxic environment just for your family's sake.
You don't need to carry the stress from your childhood with you forever, let the Inner Child Journal walk you through that healing journey.
5. Pause Before Speaking
This tip can be used for any stressful situation, but it's especially effective when you're talking to someone you've had to challenge before, and it's simply practicing the art of pausing. It's easy to snap back immediately when tensions are high, especially if the topic of conversation is something you're sensitive or passionate about, but that immediate gut reaction is what the toxic person wants out of you. They're trying to make you mad.
Instead, give it a few seconds' pause before you respond. Close your eyes if you have to, take a deep breath, and think about your response before saying it.
6. Be An Outside Observer
Another way to cope with the stress of the day is to detach yourself from it. For example, imagine you're a scientist observing a unique family ecosystem. You can distance yourself from the drama by approaching the dysfunction with a third-party curiosity rather than first-party emotional involvement. Instead of feeling attacked, frustrated, or overwhelmed, think of their toxic behaviors as interesting patterns to note without absorbing their impact.
Note when people bring up certain topics, who does what habit the most, and what the communication patterns are like. You might wind up learning something about your family along the way!
7. Treat Yourself After
Having something to look forward to after the gathering can make it easier to endure the day itself. Plan a relaxing night or following day. Resign to doing nothing, to watching your favorite movie while you eat leftovers, to taking a long, hot bath, or anything else that lets you fully relax.
Knowing you have a safe space to unwind after makes it easier to let go of any lingering stress. Treat this as a reward for prioritizing your mental health!
One Day More
Dealing with toxic family members is never easy, especially during holidays, even though those holidays are meant to bring people together. That doesn't mean the day is destined to be terrible, though! By either strengthening yourself before you or, miraculously, people not being as inflammatory this year, you can still have a positive Thanksgiving, even amid the most toxic members of your family.
No matter what, it's just one day. You’ve got this!
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