8 Subtle Cheating Tells That Cheaters Don’t Even Know They Do
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Being cheated on is an experience that's hard to wish on anyone (except, perhaps, cheaters themselves). It takes a relationship, something that's supposed to be built on trust and honesty, and then rips out those foundations for personal gratification.
What if you could stay one step ahead, though? What if you could tell when cheating was going on without the cheater being aware? What should you look out for if you suspect your partner is making moves behind your back? Read on to find out more!
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Behind Your Back
Being cheated on is a heartbreaking, soul-rupturing experience. It can destroy someone's sense of trust, make them question everything they thought they knew, and leave them with a gnawing sense of doubt in future relationships.
Because it's something that's meant to be hidden, it can be hard to know if it's happening in your relationship. If you have your suspicions, there are subtle tells that even cheaters don't know they do that give them up entirely.
1. Excessive Privacy
One of the first signs of infidelity is a noticeable change in a partner's attitude towards privacy, particularly concerning their personal devices. They may be setting new passwords, using their phone or computer in secrecy, or becoming defensive when questioned about who they're talking to or what they're doing online.
While respecting privacy is important in a relationship, this sudden secretive behavior can be a red flag, signaling that a partner might be hiding something they either feel ashamed of or know you won't like.
2. Unexplained Expenses
Another red flag is unexplained expenses or mysterious absences that don't add up. If your partner is frequently unavailable without a clear reason or if there are charges on bank statements that can't be accounted for, it might be time to have an open conversation about what's going on. These signs, though not definitive proof of infidelity, suggest a disconnect that needs addressing.
Similarly, if your partner is often unaccountable for their time, disappearing for hours with vague explanations, it could mean that they are spending time away from the relationship in ways they're not ready to admit.
3. Sudden, Extreme Affection
Sometimes, a cheating partner might overcompensate by showering their significant other with unexpected affection or gifts. This behavior, often stemming from guilt, is a way to ease their conscience or distract from their indiscretions. Surely, they can't be doing anything wrong if they're still so nice to you, right?
While it's natural to appreciate affection and gifts, an increase in these behaviors, especially without any particular reason, should prompt a deeper conversation about the state of the relationship.
4. Distant Conversations
A partner seeming to communicate less, or only communicating in a superficial, short fashion, can be a sign to watch out for. When meaningful conversations become rare, and your interactions feel surface-level, it may suggest that your partner is withdrawing emotionally.
This detachment can be a precursor to physical infidelity, as the cheater begins to seek an emotional or physical connection elsewhere. Whether this pull away from you was caused by something within or outside of the relationship can only be determined through tough conversation.
5. Heavy Criticism
Cheaters often project their guilt onto their partners, manifesting as frequent, unwarranted criticism. If you find that your partner is suddenly finding fault in everything you do, it might be a reflection of their own inner turmoil and guilt over their actions rather than any real issues with your behavior.
This sudden negativity can be confusing and hurtful, but understanding its root cause can be the first step in addressing the real issues at hand. You're allowed to be hurt by what they say but know it's not really your fault here.
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6. Knowing Your Schedule
An unusual interest in your schedule could also be a sign. If your partner, who previously showed little interest in the minutiae of your day-to-day, suddenly wants to know every detail of your whereabouts, it might be so they can ensure their paths don't cross with yours at the wrong time.
This one is especially sneaky because it seems so caring. It's a change in behavior that will feel positive and loving but will be used to betray you behind your back.
7. A Change In Appearance/Interests
Significant changes in a partner's appearance or sudden interest in new hobbies can be indicative of an attempt to impress someone outside the relationship. We're talking big, uncharacteristic changes here. Someone who loved their long hair cutting it short or dipping into an area of interest they've previously said they hated.
While personal growth and change are positive, these drastic differences in lifestyle or appearance, especially when they seem out of character, can signal that your partner's attention might be focused on someone new.
8. Avoiding Commitment
A partner's hesitation to make future plans can reflect their uncertainty about the relationship's longevity. This avoidance may stem from feelings of guilt or a desire to keep their options open, indicating that they are not fully committed to the relationship's future.
Even if this one isn't being used to hide an affair, you should still have a talk with your partner about their refusal to commit. You need to be on the same page for this relationship to work out healthily, and if they're having doubts, they need to be able to talk to you about them.
When Trust Fails
These behaviors, while not definitive proof of cheating, can serve as important indicators that a relationship may be in jeopardy. By recognizing these signs early, couples can have serious conversations that address underlying issues, creating room to heal and grow stronger together before someone makes a decision they can't walk back.
Trust, once broken, is difficult to rebuild, but with vigilance and open communication, relationships can come out stronger than ever before. Facing challenges together, with a commitment to honesty and growth, is the foundation upon which lasting relationships are built.
