The Stages Of A Toxic Empath-Narcissist Relationship
Every relationship has its own unique dynamics, ones that might not make sense to outsiders, even if those outsiders are friends or family. That's why it's important not to judge relationships on the small parts we see of them. Who knows what goes on behind closed doors?
However, some dynamics are tried and true, seen time and time again in relationship after relationship containing the same two personality types. One such dynamic is that between an empath and a narcissist. These relationships tend to end the same way every time.
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Strange Orbits
The relationship dynamic between an empath and a narcissist is complex. Empaths, with their inherent ability to feel and absorb the emotions of others, often find themselves attracted to bold, confident, and seemingly invulnerable narcissists. Why is that?
It's more than just opposites attracting here. Empaths have a deep desire to connect and heal, and the narcissist has a need for attention and admiration. Empaths can feel that desperation and think it's someone they can help, someone they can heal. Meanwhile, the narcissist gets someone so eager to please they'll bend to even the most extreme whims.
Clearly, this puts the empath in a rather tough spot. How do they get there, though? How does this relationship actually develop?
Drawn Together
The first stage of attraction between an empath and a narcissist is characterized by an almost magnetic pull towards each other. This is an exciting phase, as is any new love, filling both halves with a sense of discovery as they explore the qualities that make the other so appealing.
The empath is drawn to the narcissist's confidence and charm, seeing a strength that they admire and, in some cases, wish to emulate. For the narcissist, the empath's compassion and attentiveness provide a source of admiration and validation that they find deeply satisfying. It feels like there's a strong, immediate connection between the two, as they each play into the other's desires, inadvertently or not.
Winning Them Over
As the relationship progresses, the narcissist often lays the charm on heavily, realizing that they can draw the empath in to an extent that can feel intoxicating. This could include grand gestures, lavish gifts, excessive compliments, and promises of an idyllic future together. For the empath, this can be a deeply validating experience, as they feel seen and appreciated in ways they may not have experienced before.
However, beneath this veneer of perfection, the narcissist's motivations are often self-serving, aimed at securing the empath's admiration and loyalty without a genuine commitment to meeting their emotional needs.
Seeing The Truth
It is often after the initial honeymoon phase that the empath begins to sense the underlying imbalances in the relationship. They may start to feel drained, both emotionally and physically, as they give more of themselves than they receive
This stage is marked by a growing awareness of the narcissist's self-centered behaviors and a recognition of the empath's own tendencies to prioritize the needs of their partner above their own. The realization of this imbalance can lead to feelings of disillusionment in the empath, who's now out of sorts because of it.
Standing Up
When the empath starts advocating for a more balanced relationship, maybe even specific compromises from their partner, the narcissist may react with resistance, even hostility, at times. Now that they're used to a dynamic where their needs and desires are prioritized, they'll want to keep their control by any means necessary, including gaslighting, emotional withdrawal, or overt manipulation.
They want to feel superior. They don't want to admit that, now with their tactics on clearer and bolder display for the empath, they might be losing ground here, and their carefully constructed life could come tumbling down around them.
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Becoming Stronger
The next phase is about the empath's first steps towards empowerment and confidence. Faced with the narcissist's unwillingness to change, the empath is compelled to confront their own patterns of self-neglect and over-giving.
This introspection can be painful but ultimately liberating as the empath begins to recognize their worth, assert their boundaries, and prioritize their own well-being. It's not easy, and some empaths take longer to get to this phase (especially if they've never had to handle a narcissist before), but there comes a breaking point where things have to change.
No More Hiding
The relationship then reaches a critical juncture when both halves are forced to confront the reality of what's going on between them. For the empath, empowered by their newfound self-awareness, the decision to stay or leave hinges on the narcissist's capacity, willingness, and desire for self-reflection and change.
This is the moment of truth. This is where the future of the relationship is determined by the willingness of both parties to work towards a healthier, and therefore happier, future together.
Eventual Peace
Should the empath decide to end the relationship, the aftermath is where the healing truly begins for the empath. Yes, any kind of breakup can be filled with grief and sadness, even when it's a bad relationship that's ending! The empath can still honor these feelings while also recognizing that they're better off now than they were.
Once ready to move on, the empath should focus on their own desires. Learn (or relearn) what they love, what was stolen from them, and what they need to work to get back in order to properly heal.
Endless Possibilities
This isn't to say every single empath/narcissist relationship will turn out like this. Some are healthy, some never break up, some almost break up but then work on their issues in order to stay together. Just because someone is a narcissist, that doesn't mean they're inherently a toxic or abusive partner.
But regardless, this relationship dynamic is still very unique, and can be prone to problems if both parties don't fully consider the other when leading a life together. Every relationship has the potential to work out, just as they have the potential to not work out, the difference being how much work both halves are willing to put in to keep the one they love.
