There comes a point in all of our lives where it feels like we're at our limit. When the stress piles on, when we're stretched too thin to manage, when even the smallest things set us off in a big way, it's because we went too long neglecting our mental health, and now it's coming back around to bite us. We often don't know it's happening until it's too late, so we're used to bottling things up or pushing them aside, but when it hits, it hits hard.
What can you do to avoid reaching this point? Can it even be done?
Stress can come to control us even more easily if we've struggled with it our whole lives, something that's very common in childhood trauma survivors.
If you feel like your trauma still controls you, then click here today to take a free quiz that will help you on the road to healing.
When life is dragging you down, it can be hard not to get frustrated at every little mistake, hiccup, or coincidence that stops your progress even more. When the stress builds and builds until it breaks, it can be difficult to pick up the pieces after.
What if there was a way to prevent it from ever breaking, though? To let it build, then let it wash away? One psychiatrist has developed a method that helps us do just that.
Dr. Daniel Amen believes he's formulated a strategy to help cope with these feelings of everything crashing down around you, and it's called The Rule Of 12.
He posted a video to his TikTok explaining what The Rule Of 12 is and how he applies it to his own life. "I first came up with it a couple of years ago when we went to Europe for two weeks," he began, saying the trip was to celebrate his wife's 50th birthday.
"And I went, 12 things are going to go wrong. And I'm not going to get angry, or scream or yell or become a jerk, until the 13th thing goes wrong.
"Indeed, six things went wrong, and I didn't get upset at all."
He then introduced an interesting variation of the concept. He said that he was currently moving into a new house, and that Rule Of 12 became the Rule Of 18. It's an adaptable technique that's meant to be changed depending on what your own tolerance is and what's happening in your life.
As he put it, "[...] the more you honor the fact that difficult things happen and you can roll with it, the more psychologically healthy you are."
The number is deliberately meant to be high. You can start smaller if you need to, but try making it as high as you can handle. It's not likely that 12 things will go wrong over the course of one vacation, but if they do and you reach that 13th thing, you can let out all your anger and be upset about it.
If you don't reach 13, you've still given yourself permission to be mad at some point, which is a comfort for the mind. It helps make dealing with the things that do go wrong a lot easier because you know that, should things keep going this way, you'll have a personally guaranteed outlet for your stress.
Until then, you just have to deal with it, which is the crux of Dr. Amen's goal for The Rule Of 12. "S**t happens," he said, "you just have to be okay with it."
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The comments were filled with people wondering about the rules. What's the time frame here? What constitutes as something going wrong? When do you reset? Part of the genius of this rule is that it's adaptable. It's meant to be altered, shifted, and changed depending on your lifestyle.
Maybe you only use it for upcoming events, like Dr. Amen did with his vacation, or maybe you set it every week. Maybe you lower it to six things, or maybe you bump it up to 20. This is meant to be a practice of resilience and perseverance. You get to set it where you feel comfortable.
When that 13th (or whatever number you chose) thing happens, then you get to let it all out. Scream into a pillow, flail around angrily, or complain to a trusted friend. So long as you're not hurting yourself or anyone else, you get to express that frustration. You've proven your mental strength already by making it through 12 terrible things before this. Now, you can let go.
You can't change the world around you; no one can ever avoid bad things forever. Forcing positivity only to be met with disappointment makes you feel a lot worse than if you used this Rule Of 12 from the start.
Life isn't about avoiding problems. It's about learning how to handle the problems as they come.
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