Your People Pleasing Is Only Making You Worse, Here’s How To Fix It
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We've all had moments where we put aside our own wants, sometimes even our own needs, to accommodate someone else. It's a necessary sacrifice in times of stress, but for some, it becomes a very persistent habit, to the point where it overtakes their whole life.
While making others happy seems valiant and good on its face, beneath the surface, being a chronic people pleaser has many drawbacks. It seeps into every part of a person's life, leaving them exhausted and unable to advocate for themselves.
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Perpetually People Pleasing
If you often find yourself going out of your way to accommodate others at the expense of your own well-being, then you're a classic people pleaser. While making those around you happy is on its own a good thing, doing it so much that you then neglect yourself isn't good at all.
Being a people pleaser isn't inherently bad, but when it starts to overshadow your own needs and desires, it's time to take a step back and evaluate the impact it has on your life. By understanding the ways being a people pleaser may be harming you, you can start to address the imbalance that may have crept into your life.
Constant Exhaustion
Being caught up in the cycle of being a people pleaser is like running an endless marathon with no finish line in sight. The sheer exhaustion of constantly serving others can weigh heavily on your physical well-being. This relentless pursuit of approval and acceptance often leaves you feeling drained as you pour your energy into fulfilling everyone else's needs without taking time to recharge yourself in between.
To curb this behavior, start by recognizing that you have limits and it's okay not to be everyone's go-to problem solver. Learning to say "no" or "let me get back to you" can be empowering, and it allows you the space to prioritize your own needs. Create space for yourself to rest.
Of The Mind, Too
Constant people-pleasing can also greatly affect your mental health. Pushing your own needs aside causes stress on your mind, and over time, this can manifest in more serious mental health concerns such as anxiety or depression. The desire to be liked by everyone can trap you in a never-ending loop of self-neglect where your own needs become background noise, unheard over the clamor of others' expectations.
This is another element that can be negated by learning how to say no with kindness but also with determination. By doing so, you create a protective layer that shields your mental health from the potential negative impact of over-committing and under-caring for yourself. In the long run, it empowers you to help others from a place of strength rather than obligation.
Losing Yourself
Being a constant people pleaser and forgoing your own needs can lead you down a path where your personal values and sense of identity become fuzzy. Over time, this can lead to a disconnection from the core of who you are, as the lines between what you truly believe and what you portray to satisfy others become blurry.
Addressing this loss of self requires a conscious effort to reconnect with your values and stand firm in your identity. Do some introspection, understand what truly matters to you, and honor those principles. Reflect on the moments when you feel most like yourself, and seek out more of those experiences. Don't let your care for others overshadow who you are.
Corroding Connections
When you're a people pleaser, your relationships might start to feel like a one-way street where your own authenticity gets lost. You may be the go-to person for others, always ready to lend an ear or a helping hand, but if you're not expressing your own needs and desires, it can lead to an imbalance that ultimately erodes the foundation of genuine connection.
To solve this, start communicating honestly with those around you. This doesn't mean you have to suddenly become confrontational or dismissive of others' needs, just make sure your own voice is heard and your well-being is valued. Remember, being a people pleaser may seem beneficial on the surface, but it's the honest expression of who you are that will attract and sustain strong relationships.
Looking To Others
In the quest to be liked and accepted, a people pleaser often finds themselves caught in the vicious cycle of seeking external validation. However, the satisfaction derived from others' approval is always fleeting, meaning they get stuck in a cycle they fear leaving lest they stop getting any sort of positive attention. As soon as the praise stops, they crash.
That's why it's important to cultivate a sense of self-worth that is not tied to others' judgments. Recognize your own accomplishments, even small ones, and celebrate them. By doing so, you'll begin to build an internal validation system, one you can always rely on.
How To Know
People-pleasing habits can become so ingrained that they feel normal, but there are signs to watch for. You might notice that you're constantly over-committing yourself, saying yes when you want to say no, or feeling burnt out near-constantly. Another telltale sign is if you find yourself feeling resentful or taken for granted after going out of your way to accommodate others.
To address this, start by reflecting on your recent interactions. Ask yourself whether you're engaging in relationships and activities because you truly want to or because you feel obligated. If you think you're overextending yourself, it might be time to reassess how you navigate your relationships and what the level of give and take looks like within them.
Standing Up For Yourself
Establishing boundaries is the cornerstone of moving away from being a people pleaser towards a more balanced and self-respecting lifestyle. It's the first step to change, and it requires both courage and clarity. By setting clear limits, you're sending a message about what you're comfortable with and how you expect to be treated, allowing you to reclaim your power.
Taking this step can feel daunting, especially if you're worried about how others will react. However, the peace of mind that comes with knowing you're honoring your values and limitations is more important than any potential backlash. Establishing boundaries isn't a one-time event but a continuous process that will lead to a more fulfilling and less stressful life.
Moving Toward Freedom
The road to transformation focuses on redefining your sense of self-worth. Even by recognizing the patterns that have led you to prioritize others' needs over your own, you've taken the first step toward becoming more empowered overall.
The shift away from being a people pleaser is not an overnight change. It's a gradual process of self-discovery and growing confidence. It requires patience, resilience, and often a helping hand from those you trust, those who want to see the best in you. It's a journey well worth embarking on, for nothing is more empowering than living a life that's more true to who you are.
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