Palliative Care Nurse Shares The 5 Most Common Death Bed Regrets
Regret is a common aspect of everyone's life. Whether they be big or small, we all have them, as none of us are able to make perfect choices all the time.
What happens when we have a lifetime of them, though? What do we feel in our final weeks, how does that feeling return to us? What do we think of them? A woman who worked for years as a palliative care nurse learned about the many, many stories of regret that people carry and decided to share her observations with the world.
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Looking Back On Life
When at the end of their life, it's extremely common for people to reflect back on their years and do some heavy thinking about what they've done, said, and experienced. As much joy as there is in reliving old memories, there's also a lot of regret, a lot of things people wish they had done differently.
Bonnie Ware worked for years as a palliative care nurse, hearing the many thoughts and regrets of dying patients. She compiled the five most common complaints she heard into a book, The Top Five Regrets of the Dying, so that others may live their life better now to avoid these same thoughts on their deathbeds.
1. Spending Too Much Time At Work
The first common regret is spending too much time at one's job rather than with friends, family, or even on their own, experiencing their life unshackled from work.
Ware said this was more common in men, especially seeing as the generation she took care of more often had men as the sole 'breadwinner' of the family. Though this dynamic doesn't quite exist in the same way today, there are still plenty of people who continue to work more than they ought to, missing out on living their life to its fullest.
2. Living Life How Others Wanted
Being able to live free from worries about what other people think is a skill that needs to be honed. We're all anxious at some point in our lives, all worried about facing judgment, but some people let it get to their heads more than others.
It's these people who come to regret it with time, looking back on their lives and the things they missed out on while they were busy being scared of what other people think. Learning to unshackle yourself from these beliefs now will help you live happier, healthier, and more in line with your true desires.
3. Losing Touch With Friends
Friends come and go, they're meant to. As we enter new chapters of our lives, we meet new people, enter new circles, and find new friends that best suit the current versions of ourselves (with some friendships being maintained throughout all these transformations).
However, many people regret not putting in more effort to keep up friendships they cared a lot about, ones that could have lasted years or decades longer had they not been so quick to let them go. Cherish the friends you have, reach out to them, and do what you can to keep from drifting apart too soon.
4. Not Expressing Their True Feelings Enough
Holding back one's feelings to avoid conflict, keep the peace, maintain a facade, or any other reason is unfortunately far too common. We all hold our tongues at times, knowing the consequences of sharing our true feelings are too great to risk.
Or are they? Many people on their deathbeds report regretting the fact that they weren't honest enough about how they felt at many times in their lives, settling for less than what they really want or need. Don't hold back, don't shrink yourself for others, and live as fully and authentically as possible at all times.
5. Not Letting Themselves Be Happier
Sort of a combination of all the previous points, there are far too many instances in which people will take the easiest path, will turn things down due to uncertainty, or simply not reach for what they want. They will put themselves in positions of prolonged unhappiness to avoid a moment's discomfort.
This is a nasty habit to break, but seeing as many people greatly regret these choices later in life, it's one that needs to be broken. This is your life, you should be living it how you want, even if it means pushing through some tough times to get there.
One Chance
No person is ever going to be completely free of regret. As the saying goes, hindsight is truly 20/20, we're all bound to make mistakes or misjudgments that come back to haunt us. That being said, there are still ways we can mitigate as much of that regret as possible, and they all lead back to the same core concept, living life for yourself.
If you want to keep someone in your life, put in that work. If you want to make a change in your career, make a plan in which that's possible. If you want to spend more time pursuing hobbies, carve out space to do so. Your life is yours to live how you see fit. Why are you spending so much time ensuring it meets other people's expectations?
