Things get stressful sometimes. We get overburdened by events, tasks, and responsibilities that we must maintain in order to function. It's part of being alive, we have to keep ourselves afloat!
Not everyone is so keen on those responsibilities, though. Instead of dealing with it the way we all do, by complaining to friends or any other coping mechanism, some people will try to offload as many of those responsibilities as they can onto others. One well-known method of doing so is the use of something called weaponized incompetence.
A big part of fighting back against weaponized incompetence is having the confidence to stand up to it when you see it. Confidence like that can be hard to build up, especially if you've struggled with low self-esteem before.
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If you've been online at all over the past few years, you've likely heard of the term weaponized incompetence. If you haven't or simply don't know what it is, weaponized incompetence is a tactic where someone feigns ignorance or inability to perform a task in order to make someone else do it. Think of someone doing the dishes poorly on purpose, so someone else will take over and do it from there on out, all while pretending they don't see what the problem is.
It's a manipulative behavior that can seriously strain both personal and professional relationships, leading to stress and resentment between people who should be on good terms. It's important to recognize who in your life might be utilizing weaponized incompetence so you can call it out and not have your kindness taken advantage of.
Identifying weaponized incompetence in action can be tricky, primarily because it masquerades as genuine inability or ignorance. However, certain signs can help you spot it. If you find yourself repeatedly picking up someone else's slack, or if a person's incapacity seems selective and convenient, they could be using weaponized incompetence against you.
Another telltale sign is a pattern of avoidance. When the same tasks are avoided over and over again by someone who otherwise demonstrates competence in similar areas, it might be time to question their authenticity.
The most common dynamic in which weaponized incompetence appears is romantic relationships. One half of a couple is often trying to dodge household chores, leaving the heavy burden of constant upkeep on their partner. For those on the receiving end, it can lead to feelings of resentment, exhaustion, and being taken for granted. Their work isn't valued, and their partner makes it clear that they either don't care enough about their home or don't care to help the person they claim to love.
Understandably, excessive use of weaponized incompetence can destroy the trust in a relationship. Learning that someone's been manipulating you into doing all of the work is extremely hurtful.
Weaponized incompetence can also be seen in the workplace, wherein one employee pretends to either put themselves down or lift other employees up, but only so they can rid themselves of more tasks. It not only affects individual productivity when someone else is made to do their job, but it places undue pressure on their colleagues, leading to frustration and a potential decrease in overall team performance.
Weaponized incompetence in the workplace disrupts team dynamics, too. After finding out that your coworker is always aiming to shrug off more of their responsibilities onto you, how can you trust anything else they tell you?
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Dealing with weaponized incompetence requires a good deal of assertiveness and confidence. The best approach is to set extremely clear expectations and boundaries, ones you can't back down on. When you delegate tasks, refuse to do one of the other person's unless there are some strenuous circumstances. They need to be forced to pick up their own slack.
In professional settings, documenting instances of this behavior can be useful, especially if you plan on bringing up the issue with your supervisors or HR.
More than just dealing with weaponized incompetence at the moment, you have to learn how to heal from the pain it causes as well. Remember that none of it was your fault, and you didn't 'fall' for anything. It's a tactic used by manipulators who actively aim to demean you. The blame is entirely on them.
It's also equally important to engage in self-reflection to ensure you're not inadvertently practicing weaponized incompetence. Assessing your own behavior honestly can help you identify if you've been avoiding certain tasks or responsibilities and the reasons behind it. Self-awareness is a powerful tool for personal growth, and recognizing such patterns can be the first step towards change.
The first step toward recognizing and eliminating weaponized incompetence in your life is being aware of it. Though covered in the contexts of work and romantic relationships, it can appear anywhere in your life, with the same tactics being used by friends, family members, business partners, or anyone who has a task they'd rather make you do. It's tragic how many people there are who can betray your trust.
It's always important to remember that you can come out the other end stronger than before. You deserve to have your time respected, not wasted by someone who cannot be bothered to become as talented as you.
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