If Your Friend Says Any Of These 8 Toxic Phrases, You Need To Leave Them Behind
Navigating friendships can be a tricky thing sometimes. We love our friends, of course, and generally want to do well by them, but what happens when our friends start to raise red flags? What red flags could friends even raise?
There are many ways in which a manipulative, toxic person can con their way into being your friend, hiding their deceit with the hopes you'll never find out. You're smart, though. You can find out their true intentions just by listening to how they speak.
The effects of living with a toxic person of any kind in your life can be numerous and devastating, especially when it comes to your self-esteem. Know that your future is in your own hands, and you can get your confidence back, no matter what they say.
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Friends Or Foes?
The world is, for better or for worse, filled with good and bad people. For every incredible person you meet, there's someone far less trustworthy, someone who's working against your best interest for their own gain.
Unfortunately, those people can sometimes become our friends, couching their toxic behavior behind sly phrasing and subtle actions designed to leave us feeling confused. If you're feeling iffy about a friend and have ever heard them say one of these things, you might want to keep your guard up.
"You're so different when you're around them."
Saying that you act differently when you're around other people sows doubt and suspicion about your other relationships, implying that they're either inauthentic or you're being negatively influenced by them. This would, of course, lead to you growing insecure or maybe even distrusting of your other friends.
The toxic friend uses this sentiment to isolate you by creating mistrust, both toward others and yourself, discouraging you from maintaining friendships you've been convinced are hurting you. This manipulation makes you more reliant on the toxic friend for companionship and support, which is exactly what they want.
"You know how you get sometimes."
When toxic friends say something like this, it implies that you have a problematic behavior pattern, preemptively discrediting your feelings or actions because of it. Usually, the behavior they're referencing either doesn't exist or is an exaggeration of a very normal reaction.
It creates this narrative that you're prone to irrationality, which can be used to dismiss your concerns or not respect the feelings you try to communicate. This tactic erodes your confidence regarding your own behavior and responses, making you more malleable to manipulation from the toxic friend who sparked this self-doubt in the first place.
"You're the only one who understands me."
While seemingly flattering, when used by a toxic friend, this phrase can isolate you from your broader support network. By positioning themselves as uniquely understood, the toxic person creates a semblance or facade of a special bond that can be used to control and manipulate you.
It fosters dependency, making it harder for you to see the relationship objectively or seek advice and support from others, ultimately limiting your emotional freedom. It also creates a pervasive feeling of guilt. If you're the only person who understands them, then leaving or cutting them off would be akin to abandonment, right? And surely you wouldn't want to do that.
"You wouldn't survive without me."
This one is a little more clear-cut and far more upfront with its manipulation, but when used against someone who's already in a weakened mental state due to the workings of a toxic friend, it can be extremely harmful.
It creates dependency by suggesting that you're incapable of managing your life independently and that you need the toxic person around to take care of things that you can't. It fosters a sense of inadequacy, guilt, and failure, undermining your self-esteem and reinforcing a power imbalance in which the toxic friend keeps control by maintaining the illusion of indispensability.
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"I guess I'm just more mature than you."
This condescending remark positions the toxic person as superior, suggesting that you're somehow immature or less capable than them. They'll never be able to give you a solid, sound reason as to why you're supposedly less mature than them, but they'll convince you of it anyhow, constantly putting you down and acting more powerful than you.
Over time, this dynamic can lead to a skewed power balance where you feel you must constantly seek approval and guidance from the toxic individual. They want you to feel lesser, to feel honored that they're in your life.
"Don't worry, I'll handle it since you can't."
This one is similar to the previous entry, but it's a bit more subtle. They're offering to help but insulting you in the same pass, leaving mixed, ultimately with hurt feelings even if they do come to your aide. They want you to feel grateful that they're helping you, even when you 'don't deserve it' (which is never true, by the way).
It's designed to undermine your confidence and capabilities. They want you to develop a dependency on them by making you doubt your own competence. This leads to an increased reliance on the toxic person, reducing your ability to function independently and reinforcing the manipulative power imbalance.
"I wouldn't have to act this way if you didn't..."
This is another tactic designed to force you to feel bad about the way you react to things. A toxic friend will paint your actions, feelings, and responses as something bad, as something that makes them upset, so now you're 'making' them deal with both their own and your emotions.
Blaming you for their behavior shifts responsibility away from them and onto you. It suggests that your actions or character flaws provoke their toxic behavior, meaning you blame yourself for the pain you experience at their hand. It absolves the friend of all guilt even when they're still the only one at fault.
"I'm only doing this because I care about you."
This phrase frames controlling or hurtful behavior as an act of care, disguising manipulation as concern. It suggests that the toxic person’s actions are motivated by love, making it harder for you to recognize the behavior as harmful. It exploits the friend's desire for genuine, honest care and support, making you more likely to accept and rationalize their toxic behavior.
This is a phrase that works on those who have been hurt before, exploiting your pain for their comfort, hurting you further for their gain. They frame care as a transactional thing that needs to be paid back somehow. Care is never owed.
The Friends You Keep
Having a toxic person in your life is never easy, but there's something about being a friend that makes it sting in a unique way. Friends are supposed to be there with you through thick and thin, they're supposed to support you along your life's journey as you do to them. To have a friend break that sacred trust by being manipulative can be absolutely heartbreaking.
Friendship is not meant to be painful, nor is it meant to drain you. You should feel uplifted, loved, and cherished by your friends. If you feel anything short of that, or if you hear any of the phrases mentioned here, it's time to move on and make room for people who truly value you.
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