Guilt-Tripping And Other Tactics Manipulators Use To Control You
Not every relationship is meant to be. Things can fall apart for any reason. It's not always the fault of either party; there are tons of outside factors that could come into play, but sometimes, there's something more insidious going on.
When a manipulator starts taking the reigns in a relationship, they know what they're doing. They know the harm it does, and they know the likelihood of their actions ruining things, but they do it anyway out of a selfish need for control, and they'll use many different methods to get it.
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In Each Other's Heads
Relationships often involve a lot of mind games, whether conscious or not. There are a lot of things we do to influence the way things go, both on purpose and accidentally. This doesn't automatically make us evil manipulators though. No, that comes with planned, purposeful actions that are carried out with the aim of control.
Because that's what actual manipulators aim for, control, and they'll use a number of tactics to get it. Here are just a few so you can know what to watch out for.
Gaslighting
Gaslighting, perhaps the most well-known entry on this list, is a psychological tactic where the manipulator makes the victim question their own reality. It involves the deliberate distortion of facts, leading the victim to doubt their memory, perception, or sanity. For instance, a partner might insist that you're remembering something incorrectly when you definitely aren't, they're just trying to deliberately confuse you.
The insidious nature of gaslighting lies in its gradual wearing away of your trust in your own thoughts. Victims often find themselves second-guessing themselves constantly, which does a number on their mental health and self-esteem.
Criticism
Another common but less discussed control tactic is constant criticism. This involves your partner consistently finding fault with your actions, appearance, or personality and pointing it out every time. Over time, this relentless negativity erodes your self-esteem, leaving you thinking that everything you do is wrong, creating a dependency on the criticizer for any kind of validation.
Constant criticism may feel obvious, but it can can be subtle, disguised as "constructive feedback" or "just being honest." However, its cumulative effect is damaging, leaving you feeling insecure, inadequate, and unworthy.
Financial Control
Financial control is another tactic used to exert power in a relationship using one of our most needed resources. This can involve your partner restricting access to money, monitoring expenses excessively, or making unilateral financial decisions. By controlling the finances, the manipulator can limit your independence and ability to leave the relationship.
Financial control can look like a lot of things, like demanding receipts for every purchase or giving an allowance, but it all builds up to a frightening level of control. This tactic is perhaps the hardest to break free from, so it's also the most important to spot early.
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Guilt-Tripping
Guilt-tripping is a form of emotional manipulation where the manipulator uses guilt to control your actions. This can involve bringing up past mistakes, playing the victim, or making you feel responsible for their unhappiness.
The goal of guilt-tripping is to make you feel obligated to comply with the manipulator's demands, wearing you down until you agree with whatever they're saying. Over time, this can lead to a cycle of compliance and resentment, where you feel like you can never do enough to make things right and are frustrated with yourself because of it, even when it's not your fault.
Triangulation
Triangulation is a very insidious tactic that involves introducing a third party into the relationship to create confusion, jealousy, and conflict. Not necessarily a new partner or a cheating situation; this can even be done by comparing you to someone else they know, pointedly spending time alone with them (and maybe less with you), or even utilizing a potential family judgment.
This tactic not only undermines your self-esteem but also disrupts your other relationships. Recognizing triangulation can help you understand the manipulative dynamics at play and take steps to protect yourself and your relationships.
You Can Put A Stop To It
There are, sadly, too many people out there looking to manipulate others. They want control but don't have any sort of position of power, so they take out this desire on the people around them, doing tons of individual damage just to fulfill some selfish whims.
But you can fight back. By being aware of the methods of control they use, you can spot them as they come, whether it's in your own life or someone else's. Putting your foot down early will show that you won't stand for their behavior and you won't let yourself be taken advantage of.
