What Going ‘No Contact’ With Your Parents Really Means
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Your parents are supposed to be someone you can go to for anything. They're meant to support you, uplift you, and help you when you fall, setting you back on your feet so you keep pressing onward after learning from your mistake.
That's simply not everyone's experience with their parents, though. Some people grow up with parents who are toxic, manipulative, or downright abusive. When the time comes for that child to spread their wings and make a life for themself, it's not uncommon that they'll want to separate their parents from their life if this was the case, sparking a big decision that will change everything. Keep reading to find out more.
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Walking Away
Making the decision to go no-contact with a parent is an incredibly difficult thing to do. It's often the culmination of years of struggle, pain, and repeated attempts at reconciliation coming to a head, where the affected child realizes that their parent not only offers them nothing constructive with their presence but also actively harms them. Be it via abusive behaviors, disparaging comments, or the continuous crossing of boundaries, the child decides it's not worth having their parent around anymore. That's a very tough thing to come to terms with.
From the parent's perspective, this choice is often misunderstood as an act of rebellion or anger, but for the child, it's a choice made with self-preservation and healing in mind. There's a lot that goes into not only the decision but the experience itself and the aftermath.
Every Feeling
While deciding to go no-contact can feel daunting or even just downright scary, there's also a sense of relief that comes with it once the deed is done. It creates a whirlwind of emotions centering on grief, the dueling forces of grief and peace.
Society tends to idealize parental relationships, which can exacerbate feelings of isolation and confusion for those who choose to step away. It's a process that requires compassion and understanding, both from oneself and from others.
The Family Tree
Choosing to go no contact doesn't just affect the child and the parent in question, it often has ripple effects on other relationships. Family gatherings may become fraught with tension, with people feeling compelled to take sides on the matter. It may draw judgment from friends or isolate someone from the rest of their family entirely.
However, it also opens up the possibility of forming new, healthier relationships built on better respect and understanding. By freeing themselves from toxicity, they give themself space to grow into a more confident person, which will then draw more positive people into their life.
Communal Support
Embarking on the rocky path of cutting off one's parents isn't one to walk alone. The importance of a strong, reliable support system cannot be overstated in this situation. Whether it's friends who offer a listening ear or professionals who provide tools for coping and healing, having people around to provide support is crucial.
Support groups, either in person or online, can also offer solace and understanding from those who have made the same decision. Learning others' perspectives on the matter and potentially hearing stories similar to one's own can help provide comfort by way of knowing that other people have gone through the same thing and come out stronger for it.
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Slowly Feeling Better
While the decision to go no contact is nothing short of anxiety-inducing, once it's all said and done, it frees up so much space for personal growth. It gives an opportunity to break the cycles of negative behavior and to invest in one's mental and emotional well-being.
Many find that with enough time and a lot of work, they're able to develop a stronger sense of self once they're rid of their toxic parents' presence. This period can also be a time of discovery, as individuals explore interests and passions that they may not have been allowed to or had the time to before.
Non-Linear Healing
Another thing to keep in mind is that cutting off a parent isn't one single event. In many cases, there isn't a clean break happening. Sometimes, parents don't take the decision well and continuously try to reach out or get to their kid however they can. Or, even if that part is one and done, healing isn't linear, and there may be moments of doubt or reconsideration. It's important to approach all of these feelings and instances with kindness, reminding oneself of why they decided to do this in the first place.
For some, there may come a time when they feel they want to reconnect, while for others, maintaining distance remains the healthiest choice forever. Either way, it's a deeply personal decision that should be respected.
Take It Slow
Moving on with one's life and looking forward to the future can take some time. It's a big thing to get over! Try to set clear personal goals and focus on activities that bring joy and fulfillment. Practicing self-care, whether through mindfulness, exercise, or creative pursuits, is always extremely important, too.
Also, be sure to establish boundaries about whether or not this is a topic that should be avoided in conversation and to communicate those boundaries clearly to others. As time passes, the focus will gradually shift from the pain of the past to the possibilities of the future.
Pain Isn't Forever
Going no contact with a parent is a deeply personal decision that carries with it a complex mix of emotions and challenges. It's a path that requires courage, self-compassion, and the support of a caring community. While there are many challenges to be faced and difficulties to be had, there's so much potential for healing and growth, making it a worthwhile pursuit.
For those who've already chosen this path, it's a testament to their strength and their commitment to building a healthier, happier life. Remember, the journey toward healing is not about escaping from the past but about moving forward into a future where one's well-being is the top priority, as it always should be.
