Can Men And Women Be Just Friends? Researchers Answer
The friendships we make and maintain can be some of the most important relationships we have in our lives. Our friends are there with us for it all; through thick and thin, there's a strong trust that forms as you face hardships together. How would it feel if that trust was taken away? If your friend confessed something that changed everything about your relationship?
This is the reality many women face when they learn that a man they thought was their friend reveals that they were only getting close because they hoped they would eventually start dating. This happens far too often, and it causes us to ask, can men and women really be friends?
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Just Too Close
It's a classic trope, the idea that (heterosexual) men and women just can't be friends because they're too inclined to be attracted to one another. It could never work! They're destined to fall for each other somehow, or at least one of them will become attracted to the other, right? Men and women simply can't be friends without deeper feelings forming?
A lot of people already consider this to be an antiquated belief, but is it? Could there be scientific evidence behind the idea that men and women will never be able to be just friends?
Different Views
First, let's discuss how men and women see cross-sex friendships. Studies show that men and women approach these friendships differently, with men being more likely to become attracted to their female friends, no matter if he or his female friend is already in a relationship with someone else.
More recent research has also shown that the physical attractiveness of an opposite-sex friend predicts sexual interest in said friend more in men than in women, meaning that men are more likely to be attracted to their good-looking female friends versus women being attracted to their good-looking male friends.
Not Just Friends
Another layer to that research is that, for men, their current relationship satisfaction doesn't change how they feel about their female friends. For women, being happy in their current relationship makes them less likely to be attracted to their male friends.
None of this is really surprising, though. Women have been complaining about this phenomenon for ages. They try to simply become friends with someone, but more often than not find out that their "friend" has been harboring feelings for them the entire time, hiding their ulterior motives behind the friendship.
What's Important
This mindset even affects how men choose their friends. Another study showed that, while both sexes prioritize things like dependability and agreeableness in their friendships, men also prioritize the attractiveness of their female friends. For women, they also prioritized a man's ability to protect and provide for them.
So, this begs the question, are there cases where women covet or focus on their male friends' attractiveness? Yes, but only under a very specific circumstance.
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A Specific Type Of Woman
Women with psychopathic traits exhibit a pattern called 'partner poaching,' where they'll go after men who are already in relationships and try to lead them astray. They get more satisfaction out of stealing high-caliber men, meaning they'll often go after those who are successful, wealthy, or, yes, attractive.
That being said, the men they 'poach' tend to have the same psychopathic traits, which makes sense given that they're so willing to cheat on their partner. Birds of a feather, as they say.
Choose Your Friends
Now, how does this all impact our friendships and relationships going forward? Ultimately, it's up to your discretion. If your boyfriend has a female friend he's close to and you're worried about his feelings, have an open, honest conversation about your concerns. Don't accuse him of anything right away; just voice what you're thinking and gauge his response.
If you're a woman with male friends whose feelings you're also concerned about, do the same with them. Be upfront with your thoughts, worries, and boundaries, and make sure he knows you want to be just friends.
If he reacts poorly, then he was never worthy of your attention in the first place, friend or not.
