4 Questions Women Need To Ask Before They Get Married

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1. Am I Getting Married For Love, Or For Benefits?

Women are often taught to idealize, romanticize, and long for the day they finally get married, which can put a lot of pressure on them to settle down quickly. If a women starts getting older without having been married, she's judged for it, often pressed by family to find a man and get hitched already.

This can have disastrous effects, causing a woman to 'just settle' for a man she's either not compatible with or doesn't like as much as she should, which can only end poorly for their marriage.

See What Guides You

Marriage is not the solution for a relationship you're feeling iffy about. Getting married won't give you that dash of romance you need to suddenly feel right in that partnership. All it's going to do is make a breakup even harder and more devastating for everyone involved.

The desire to get married should come from a place of love, not complacency or to gain some sort of social status. You should want to marry this person because you genuinely see a future with them that you want to build together. Anything less is doomed.

2. Am I Getting Married Just For Outside Validation?

This was touched on in the previous point, but beyond hoping they can salvage a less-than-ideal relationship, another big reason that people get married is due to social pressure.

It most often comes from family, especially other women in the family. Mothers, grandmothers, aunts, even close family friends will start to ask if you're seeing anyone, probing you about your dating life, and emphasizing the importance of getting married before it's 'too late.' It's grating at best and fully upsetting at worst to have people you love harassing you about something so serious.

Waiting For The Right Time

This pressure can and has led some women to make rash decisions. Much like the first point, if you're not feeling one hundred percent confident about marrying someone, don't do it! Having to either stay with someone you feel less than fully in love with or having to go through a later divorce are both far worse than putting up with pestering from your family.

Though it's tough in the moment, putting your foot down and setting boundaries with your family (or friends who may also be pressing the issue) is the better way. You're allowed to wait as long as you need before you get married, or not get married at all, don't let anyone tell you differently!

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3. Do I Want Kids Simply Because It's Expected Of Me?

Talking about societal pressures, another one that women face constantly is to have and raise children. However, this one becomes a little more complicated as even those who do want children often want them for all the wrong reasons, and aren't equipped to face all the potential realities that come with it.

Many people want kids as an extension of their own selves. Sometimes they want kids for wish fulfillment, forcing them into things they wanted to do as children so they can live vicariously, other times they want children so they'll be guaranteed a caretaker once they get older.

Smothering Their Individuality

But the truth is that neither of these things are guaranteed. There's no way to know if your child will have the same hobbies you did at their age, or even remotely be into the same things at all. Maybe you want to raise your kid to play the sport you were never allowed to, but they're really into music instead.

As for the caretaker side, there's no guarantee your child will be fit to be a caretaker, or even be around to do so. If your goal with having a child is to have them benefit you somehow (outside of the fulfillment that comes with raising a human life), then you're not fit to be a parent. They may be your kid, but they're also an independent person with wishes of their own. Don't stifle that.

4. Am I Prepared For The Worst?

Both getting married and having children are major life events. They're very serious matters with a lot of potential repercussions should something go wrong. Not that these things are guaranteed to happen, but you have to be prepared for them, or at least be willing to accept them as a possibility.

A marriage involving two people who refuse to acknowledge any of their problems is a ticking time explosion before one of them explodes and the relationship dissolves, for example.

All That Could Change

With kids, there's no way to know what your relationship will be like as they grow up. There are plenty of influences on a child's life beyond just their parents, so even if you do everything right, there's a chance that something else beyond your control will change them.

Any number of things could cause them to distance themselves once they're out of your direct care, even cut you off entirely, and though it's upsetting, you have to know that there's always that risk.

Your Own Path

This isn't to say that you should become paranoid about these things. Getting married and having children are wonderful things for those who want it and have prepared themselves for it! You shouldn't deny yourself these experiences if you know they're what you truly want out of life.

All these questions do is provide a way for those who are uncertain to work through their thoughts, feelings, and opinions about the matter. We should all feel free and comfortable to pursue any path we want without fearing the judgment of others.

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