9 Things That Only Toxic Couples Do, Never Healthy Couples
Relationships are complex, intricate exchanges of emotions, expectations, and experiences. The context and history of each relationship is what makes them unique and beautiful, though that doesn't necessarily make them healthy either.
While no relationship is perfect, there's a stark difference between the occasional misstep and outright toxic behavior that a healthy couple would never engage in.
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A Better Future For Both
Building a healthy relationship is no easy feat. It takes a lot of effort, concentration, creativity, and dedication from both halves, but the payoff is beyond worth it. A healthy couple is secure, they're comfortable, and they're confident that no matter what happens, they'll always find a way through it.
Because of this, there are some behaviors they never engage in, finding them too petty or pointless to be worth the pain. Those same behaviors are the same ones toxic couples turn to, so here's what to watch for when troubles arise in your relationship.
1. Avoiding Accountability
Toxic couples often engage in a never-ending cycle of blame, constantly pointing fingers at each other instead of taking responsibility for their actions. This creates a hostile environment where neither partner feels safe admitting their mistakes, oversights, or vulnerabilities. Instead of working together to solve problems, they become locked in a perpetual battle of figuring out who's right and who's wrong.
Healthy couples understand the importance of accountability. They recognize that both partners contribute to the dynamics of the relationship and are willing to own up to their mistakes. When conflicts arise, they focus on finding solutions rather than assigning blame.
2. Social Media Manipulation
In the digital age, social media has become an integral part of our lives, and toxic couples often use these platforms as a battleground for their relationship issues. One partner may curate a social media persona that completely excludes their significant other, creating the illusion of a single life or presenting a heavily edited version of their relationship.
Healthy couples strike a balance between maintaining individual identities online and celebrating their life with their partner. They don't feel the need to overshare every aspect of their relationship but also don't actively hide that part of their life. They understand that their real-life relationship is more important than any online version of it.
3. Emotional Hostage-Taking
In toxic relationships, emotions become weaponized. Partners may use guilt, shame, or fear to manipulate each other into compliance or to win arguments. This emotional hostage-taking creates a constant tension between the two, with genuine feelings being suppressed in favor of strategic emotional displays.
Healthy couples, meanwhile, treat each other's emotions with respect and empathy. They create a safe space for open, honest communication where feelings can be expressed without fear of judgment or retaliation. Instead of using emotions as leverage, they work together to understand and address the underlying issues causing those feelings in the first place.
4. Not Considering Shared Goals
In toxic relationships, one or both partners may consistently prioritize their individual goals and desires without considering the impact on their shared future. They may make major life decisions, such as career changes or relocations, without consulting their significant other or considering how it affects their joint plans. They may even dismiss or belittle their partner's aspirations, viewing them as obstacles to their own success.
Healthy couples strike a balance between individual ambitions and shared dreams. They understand that a strong partnership involves supporting each other's personal growth while also working towards common goals. They celebrate each other's successes and offer support during hard times, recognizing that their individual growth contributes to the strength of their relationship.
5. Comparing The Relationship To Others
Toxic couples often fall into the trap of constantly comparing their relationship to others, whether it's friends, family, or even fictional couples from movies and TV shows. This habit leads to unrealistic expectations and a lingering feeling of dissatisfaction. Partners may feel inadequate or maybe even resentful, always striving for an idealized version of love that doesn't exist in reality.
Healthy couples understand that every relationship is unique and has its own strengths and challenges. Instead of looking outward for validation, they focus solely on building a better relationship. They know that the only measure that matters is that of their own happiness and fulfillment.
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6. Selective Memory
In toxic relationships, partners often engage in selective memory, conveniently forgetting or manipulating past events to support their current arguments or narratives. Over time, one or both partners' selective memory creates a distorted history of the relationship, making it difficult for the couple to learn from past experiences and grow together.
Healthy couples, on the other hand, strive for honesty and accuracy in their shared memories. They understand that everyone's perspective is subjective, but they work together to include both sides of every story. When disagreements about past events arise, they approach the discussion with openness and a willingness to understand each other's point of view.
7. Replacing Emotional Intimacy With Physical
Toxic couples often confuse physical intimacy with emotional closeness, using sex or physical affection as a substitute for genuine romantic connection. They may rely on physical intimacy to temporarily bridge emotional gaps or avoid addressing underlying issues in the relationship. This creates a false sense of closeness while masking deeper problems, leading to feelings of emptiness despite frequent physical contact.
Healthy couples recognize that true intimacy encompasses both physical and emotional aspects of the relationship. They prioritize emotional connection through open communication, shared experiences, and mutual support, and while they value physical intimacy, they don't use it as a cover-up for relationship problems or a substitute for emotional vulnerability.
8. Relationship Tunnel Vision
In toxic relationships, partners often lose sight of their individual identities, becoming swallowed by the couple dynamic. They may abandon personal interests, friendships, or goals in an attempt to please their partner or maintain the relationship at all costs. This loss of self leads to resentment, codependency, and a sense of emptiness that ultimately undermines the relationship's foundation.
Healthy couples understand the importance of maintaining individual identities within the context of their partnership. They encourage each other's personal growth, support individual pursuits, and respect the need for separate friendships and interests. This balance of togetherness and individuality strengthens the tie between partners and creates a more fulfilling relationship for both.
9. Pursuing False Perfection
Toxic couples often fall into the trap of pursuing perfection (and only perfection), setting unrealistic expectations for themselves, their partners, and the relationship as a whole. This relentless hunt for an idealized version of love leads to constant disappointment, low self-esteem, and an inability to appreciate the genuine moments of connection within the relationship.
Healthy couples embrace imperfection as a natural part of any relationship. They understand that both partners are human, with flaws and limitations, and that the relationship itself will have ups and downs. Instead of striving for an unattainable ideal, they focus on continuous growth, celebrating small victories, and learning from any challenges they face.
You Can Be Happier
Remember, no relationship is perfect, and it's natural for even the healthiest couples to occasionally stumble into these pitfalls. The key is to remain vigilant, open to self-reflection, and willing to work together to overcome challenges. By always encouraging open communication and a shared commitment to one another, you can build a partnership that not only withstands the test of time but continues to deepen with each passing day.
The path to a healthy, fulfilling relationship is paved with self-awareness, mutual respect, and a commitment to joined growth. Start walking that path today.
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