8 Signs A Toxic Family Member Is Harming You And It’s Time To Set Some Boundaries
Strife and drama within a family is nothing new. We've all experienced it, and we've likely all been part of it, willing or unwilling participants in whatever fallout is taking place. This drama often has a common source, with one family member being the root cause of many issues. How do you deal with such a toxic family member?
The simplest place to start is setting some strong boundaries. Even if they don't listen, you've shown them that you're not tolerating their behavior, and that can sometimes be enough.
Always having to deal with frustrating family members could reveal something about you, that you are an empath. There's a reason people gravitate to you to solve their problems, after all.
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One Bad Apple
It's safe to say that almost every, if not every, family has at least one toxic member. The person always starts fights, causes drama, and generally creates issues. If you're far enough away from it, you can watch on and shake your head, but what if that toxic family member is a lot closer than you think?
We can often be blind to the toxic behaviors of the people we care about, making it difficult to know when it's time to set some boundaries. Here are a few signs that now's the time, behaviors you can look out for so you know when something's amiss.
1. You Feel Exhausted After Interacting With Them
If you consistently feel exhausted after spending time with a particular family member, it could mean that they're taking a toll on your energy levels. This exhaustion can manifest in many ways, either through feelings of stress and worry or through physical symptoms like headaches or nausea, none of which are normal for healthy relationships.
When the mere thought of seeing them makes you anxious or overwhelmed, when you start to dread conversations, or when you try to put off seeing them, it's time to reassess the dynamics at play and find what's wrong.
2. They Already Cross Your Personal Boundaries Constantly
One of the most telling signs that you need to set boundaries with a toxic family member is if they consistently disregard your existing boundaries. Whether it's showing up unannounced, prying into your private matters, or making decisions for you, these behaviors show that they don't respect your autonomy.
It's a repeated breaking of trust, a violation of your limits. Of course, enforcing more boundaries on someone who already doesn't respect them might be difficult, but at least you'd be putting your foot down sternly, which might help them gain some sense.
3. They Make You Feel Guilty For Prioritizing Yourself
A toxic family member might make you feel guilty for prioritizing your own needs, instilling that guilt to keep you in line and maintain control over you. If they convince you your worth only lies in helping or living for others, you're more likely to put up with their mistreatment so you can feel valued and needed.
When you start to feel guilty for making decisions that are in your best interest, take a step back and evaluate why you feel this way. You might find that it comes from a darker part of the family member who's meant to love you.
4. They Criticize Your Choices
When a family member constantly undermines your decisions and belittles your choices, no matter what those choices are about, it feels incredibly demoralizing. Whether it's criticizing your career, relationships, or lifestyle, this behavior shows a lack of respect for you, your autonomy, and your life.
Remember that your choices are valid, and you deserve to be supported and respected. If a family member refuses to acknowledge this, then it's time to let them know that you won't stand for their disrespect. You'll find that you feel more confident when someone isn't talking down every choice you make.
5. They Always Play The Victim
A toxic family member will almost always play the victim and never take responsibility for their actions. This lets them shift the blame onto others and prevents any real resolution of conflicts. It's important to recognize this pattern and understand that you are not responsible for their feelings or actions.
Taking a stand and setting boundaries can help break this cycle. It’s important to communicate that you will no longer tolerate this behavior and that they need to take responsibility for their actions. This can lead to healthier interactions and a more balanced relationship.
6. They're Passive-Aggressive Toward You
Passive-aggressive behavior can be confusing and hurtful, especially when it comes from a family member. If someone consistently exhibits passive-aggressive tendencies, such as making snide comments, giving you the silent treatment, or being intentionally forgetful, it's a clear sign of a very unhealthy relationship dynamic.
It's important to remember that, even when they're family, you should stand up to this behavior. Even if it's not an outright insult, it's still disrespectful and not at all productive, so it's better to speak up than take it lying down.
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7. You Have To Walk On Eggshells Around Them
If you constantly feel like you’re walking on eggshells around a family member, it's another very clear sign that there's an unhealthy dynamic. This feeling arises when you’re afraid of triggering their anger, annoyance, or disapproval, and no one should be living in fear of a family member.
This is especially true if whatever sets them off is rather benign, common, or is an important part of your life. It's not up to you to avoid bringing up the topic; it's up to them to learn how to cope with their exaggerated reactions.
8. They Don't Respect Your Space
This sign is similar to the 'crossing boundaries' one, but specifically about your physical space. If a family member refuses to respect your space or your bodily autonomy, it can leave you feeling violated and uncomfortable. This could mean hugging when you don't want to, sitting too close for comfort, or engaging in any physical way that you don't want them to.
Others may try to convince you that it's not a big deal, but it is! These aren't silly boundaries to have, but even if they were, they should still be respected. Anyone who says otherwise doesn't understand their importance.
Not Standing For It Anymore
Setting boundaries with a family member is tough, maybe even tougher than setting boundaries with a friend or partner. There's this idea that a lot of our concerns and limits should be ignored when family is involved simply because they're family, as if it's a different kind of relationship that can ignore rules you have in place for others.
Know that that simply isn't true, and no one should try to convince you otherwise. You can say no to family, you can turn them away, and you can push back against them. A blood relation does not override your limits.
