7 Phrases That Reveal Someone Has Low Emotional Intelligence
We've all had a conversation with someone who was either unaware of how their words came across, or maybe they're purposefully being obtuse, finding a weird joy in putting others down. Regardless of their level of awareness, what they're displaying there is low emotional intelligence, a trait that can be picked out if you keep your ears open.
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Levels Of Intelligence
Emotional intelligence is the ability to understand, use, and manage our own emotions in positive ways, impacting ourselves and everyone around us. It helps us communicate effectively, empathize with others, overcome challenges, and defuse conflict.
While many people may think they have a high level of emotional intelligence, certain common phrases reveal otherwise. Recognizing these phrases can help us improve our own emotional intelligence and recognize low emotional intelligence in others. Here are a few to look out for.
"It's Not A Big Deal."
Saying "it’s not a big deal" comes across as dismissive and insensitive. It implies that the speaker does not value the other person's concerns or feelings, even feelings of distress. This phrase can make the other person feel unheard, unimportant, and uncared for, all of which damage the relationship.
A better approach is to acknowledge the person's emotions and offer support. Even if the issue seems minor to one person, it's still significant to the other, and showing empathy here can go a long way in building trust.
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"Calm Down."
Telling someone to "calm down" oftentimes ends up being counterproductive. It usually has the opposite effect, actually making the person feel even more agitated at the demand. Telling someone to calm down suggests that the speaker isn't interested in understanding why the other person is upset, instead just wanting to end the conversation.
A more effective approach is to acknowledge the person's feelings and offer to talk to them about what they're feeling. They're clearly angry for a reason; try to help them through it instead of forcing them around it.
"I Don't Care."
Saying "I don’t care" or anything similarly dismissive can hurt someone's feelings on a deep level. It shows a lack of interest and concern for the other person's life and experiences. It leaves the other person feeling rejected and isolated or that their interests, emotions, and concerns aren't worth listening to.
It's much more productive to listen and support what the other person is saying. That doesn't mean agreeing 100% of the time or becoming a yes-man; it means just listening, affirming, and engaging in real discussions about the topic.
"You Always." Or "You Never."
Using phrases like "you always" or "you never" can be harmful in any conversation. These generalizations are often inaccurate and can make the other person feel attacked, regardless of the intention. It fails to consider the complexity of human behavior, showing a clear lack of consideration for the nuances of other people's lives.
Instead, people should focus on specific instances and express how it made them feel. This approach is more constructive as it opens the door for a productive conversation. It also shows that you are willing to address issues without resorting to unfair generalizations.
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"You're Overreacting."
When someone tells another person they're "overreacting," it invalidates their feelings, memories, and experiences. It suggests that the speaker isn't willing to understand or empathize with the other person's emotional state. It immediately creates a barrier in communication, leading to feelings of frustration and resentment.
Instead of dismissing someone's emotions, they should try to understand the root cause of their feelings by asking questions and listening actively. This approach not only shows empathy but also helps in building a stronger connection with the person.
"That's Just How I Am."
Using the phrase "that’s just how I am" can be a way to avoid taking responsibility for one's actions. It suggests that the speaker is unwilling to change or improve their behavior, a very clear sign of not only low emotional intelligence but also of a stubbornness that comes across as brutish.
Of course, a more constructive approach is to acknowledge the behavior and express a willingness to change. Being open to growth is how we learn and become better people. No one has ever improved by staying the same forever.
"You're Too Sensitive."
Telling someone they are "too sensitive" can be extremely dismissive and hurtful. It suggests that the person's emotional responses aren't good or valid and that they should change how they feel if they want respect. This leads to feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt, only dragging the person down further.
Instead of criticizing sensitivity, trying to understand why they feel the way they do will help you gain a new perspective on the situation. Just because one person wouldn't be hurt by a certain statement doesn't mean everyone is the same, and that's okay!
Improving For All
Recognizing and avoiding these types of phrases is a great first step toward improving emotional intelligence and building healthy, meaningful relationships. By showing empathy, understanding, and a willingness to change, we can all improve our relationships and create a more positive and supportive environment for everyone.
Emotional intelligence isn't a fixed trait; it can be developed and strengthened over time with practice and self-awareness. By being mindful of our words and actions, we create a space where others feel comfortable being themselves, something we should all strive for!
